Time For Balance

Captain’s Log   5,699

Well, now something else has happened to the cast.  Pink eye!  How delightful is that?  My only hope is that it limits itself to the cast member who has come down with it.  I certainly hope we were not all exposed.  I guess we will find that out in another day or two.  Also, the stage manager called this morning and thinks he might have shingles.  What next?

Everybody who shows up to make this show work will be more than a hero in my eyes.  Maybe I shouldn’t talk about eyes.  I had pink eye about two years ago and I missed two days of work.  No talking about eyes!

Rehearsal was good.  People had fun.  It was just a line “read” even though nobody used a script (except me cuz I was reading the part for the Pink Eye Kid).   And no, the guy who can’t remember his lines did not remember his lines.  We are all just working around him.

Apparently before I arrived last night, some of the cast members were overheard talking about how much they think the script is flawed.  Nice.  I really love having support like that.  I am finished with this group as a writer and/or director.  Since they seem to think that is my only worth, I guess that will be sad.  Maybe for them but not for me.  It’s obvious they don’t want me to act either.  I now realize why.  Not to toot my own horn, but I can out-perform any of them without even saying a word.  I know that must appear to be threatening.   If they audition a show, I am pretty sure I would snag a lead.  Not for certain, but pretty sure.  And that is scary to people who have a history of getting leading roles because they are founders.  I get it.  It always boils down to politics, and I respect that.  I know that’s something I can’t ever change.

If I stay involved, it will only be as a techie.  I can move stuff on the stage and help set up lights, but any sort of creative work is over.  When you are a techie, your time commitment is about a week.  When you are artistically involved, it’s about 6-7 weeks.  Big difference.

Don’t get me wrong.  I like the group.  I enjoy the theatre experience.  But I play at a higher level professionally.  And that’s okay.  I don’t want to make trouble.  I also don’t want to be pegged as the person who gets the hard job over and over and over.  That’s not fair.  That’s not what I was looking for.  When I suggested that the members of the group take off time from a show to learn the technical aspects of production, I was met with cold silence.  They don’t want to learn this.  They don’t want a full experience.  They want to be stars on the stage.  Now that I understand that clearly, I know where I stand. 

I am proud of this show, this script, this cast, this crew, etc.  But it’s time to recalibrate my efforts.  I have two enormous personal projects on the burner right now.  I am also in charge of the 25th anniversary fundraiser for the museum.  I want to enjoy some time off again.  I want to meet friends for dinner, go to the movies, etc.  I also want to just stay home for once and read a good book until I fall asleep in my chair.  It’s time for balance.