Feeling Helpless

I’ve been confined to bed for what seems forever. I can stand up somewhat without assistance, but I have a very long way to go. With therapy five times a week, I thought this would all go quicker.

Guess I was wrong.

Oh well. I could be in an iron lung. It’s past midnight and I cannot get comfortable to sleep. It’s a nightly challenge now. I fall asleep sometime around 3:00 AM. I get about three hours and then the fun starts again. Groundhog Day?I know this sounds kinda bitchy and not very positive. I am finding it challenging to be super positive right now. I am so damn OVER being sick. I have paid my damn dues.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “Feeling Helpless

  1. We all miss you , dear Pirate Unique.

  2. ashleybenlove

    Poolie, I struggle to find the words. I treasure the time in which we interacted in my late teenage and early twenties. I thank you for the fun times and the kind words and how you called me grasshopper. You were such a lovely, beautiful, wonderful soul and I am so sad. Fuck cancer. I hope you are at peace and on the HMS Pie Rat in the Good Place.

  3. Good bye friend. I wish you were still here so we could bring you a root beer float or you could take us Geocaching. You said, “I don’t want to die.” We miss you…all over the world.

  4. jo

    Bye Poola you were and are an original!

  5. The very last thing you said to me was “I’m scared”. I’d never heard you say that before.

    I’m sorry that was the last thing you said to me. I hope you weren’t scared at the end. But I’m scared that you were.

    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

    Oh, Poolie….

  6. You’re always in my thoughts. If I could do anything to make this bed, trust me I would. You deserve so much more.

  7. Glad to see you here even grouchy. I’m always over wearing out. 🙂

  8. Joyce Robin

    I just lost my comment but the short version is love and hugs and soft restful sleep wishes for you

  9. maryz

    Lots of Tennessee hugs and joy to see you writing here.

  10. Mrs D

    It is frustrating as hell, to go through and to witness. But look at all that is positive, all the love you’re getting, both virtually like me and in person like all the wonderful angels able to help you. Day at a time, lady ❤

  11. Valerie

    No words to offer to help you feel positive again, I’m afraid. You are soooooo allowed to feel sad and helpless, none of us can even begin to imagine what it’s like to be in your body. Just feel all of the love and take a degree of comfort in knowing how much you ARE loved, how much we pray for your recovery, how much we care and how we all look forward to the day your life gets back to where you deserve.

  12. Oh, my poor pirate. Go ahead and bitch, babe. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t under these circumstances (although honestly up til now I didn’t think you were human anyway). I feel so bad for you I can’t even bring myself to say something stupid like “See what happens when you don’t eat meat?” Get better so I can say that for real, willya? ((((( )))))

  13. I can only imagine. I only have a minute before heading to work, but I didn’t want to let this slip by. You’re still fighting with your health and I know it’s miserable. You’re better than you were, despite the slow progress. I wish I were closer so I could hug you in person, bring you veggie goodies, and maybe do something to ease your life a little 😦

  14. Oh Amen, kiddo. I hear you, loud and clear. I know you don’t need any suggestions, but here goes anyway — have you tried lavender and cedar wood essential oils in a diffuser?? (7 drops Lavender and 3 drops Cedar Wood) It works for me — even an atomizer with a tiny bit of Lavender oil sprayed on your pillow will relax you and help you get to sleep. Guess who’s up doing e-mails and cutting fabric at 1:15 a.m.? LOL Ah me… You’re not alone in your sleep difficulty. I’m good for 2-3 hours and then i’m up going to the bathroom. If I’m really lucky I can go back to bed and go right back to sleep — but not always. :/ It’s a crap-shoot. Thankfully, I have a very loving and understanding husband. Anymore, he just snuggles me whenever I make it to bed. There was a time when he would get up, come knock on the frame of the door to my office/work room and ask me if I knew what time it was. Heck no, I had no clue — I was too busy sewing, working, reading or playing on the computer!! LOL Hugs to you dear friend … may you sleep peacefully very soon. Be patient with yourself… everything will come in its own time.

    • C Duff

      I Love you and can’t event begin to imagine your pain frustration and plain ol’ pissed-offed-ness!!!! Yes that is my new word! So there! Yes you have paid your fuckin’ dues already, yes you haev had enough. Now the Goddess needs to let you get all better and now!! That is all!!!!!!

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