I would rather die than do this.
So I won’t. Actually, I’ve never enjoyed shopping that much. The idea of pushing through Mongol hordes today to save a few dollars doesn’t appeal to me at all. Not one iota. Not even a smidge.
I am always reminded at this time of the years when I was so broke I made people food gifties for the holidays. I always tried something exotic and I always failed. The most famous attempt was making some sort of filled thing with pinched edges. When they came out of the oven, they looked like wee vaginas on the baking sheet. Truly funny. I suppose I could have named them Virgin Mary cookies.
In honor of this Christmas season, I have decided to post really bad Christmas cards. I did Santa a few years and last year I did bad family photos. This year, it’s cards. Most of them could be considered bad family photos, so just suspend your disbelief and play along, okay?
First out of the gate….
This one qualifies for a lot. Ugly sweaters, ugly pants, bad portrait. But in this case, it’s a bad Christmas card. Actually, I think it’s funny. If I got a card like this, I would fall on the floor laughing. The angle of the camera makes them look like they have flamingo legs.
And in order to keep the season fun, come up with a cute caption for these bad cards and I will send you a button for your website. How jazzy is that?
Enough for now. Time to digest pie.
Captain’s Log 3,441
Life Aboard the HMS Pie Rat 
How about….
THE ‘PANTS FAMILY SINGERS’ PRESENT ‘A CHEERY CHRISTMAS MEDLEY WITH A QUAD THEME’.
You win! Grab the picture!
Oh man, I am looking forward to this year’s Christmas card goofiness. I have no caption for this one though, it’s just so awesomely awful on its own! ~LA
Some things are better left plain – like vanilla.
Here is my caption—“Merry Christmas—c’mon ovah, free moustache rides, c’mon, how couldja resist!!!
EWWWWWWW! Good one!
“Be careful using those fertility drugs. You could end up with Quadruplets that look like this!” I’m with you, Miss Poolagirl, I would rather have a root canal without anesthesia than go anywhere NEAR a mall on Black Friday. The prospect of being trampled by a hoard of Ugg-wearing shopaholics is WAY to high a price to pay to save a few bucks!
Yes, some of us have taste!
Caption THIS Christmas card? Oh man, I could go on for a while.
“Merry Christmas the world’s first identical quadruplet lobotomy patients.”
“The family Christmas party in 1978 wasn’t complete without mirror pants, rubber antlers and Santa delivering a giant beribboned marijuana leaf. Unfortunately, Cousin Herschel put a damper on things when he kept asking us who took his dreidel. Nobody had the heart to tell him he wasn’t really Jewish and that Cousin Kevin had been using the dreidel as a deep-sea fishing bobber until he lost it last July. It was last seen trailing behind a Coast Guard boat. I think they kept it as evidence. Sorry to say, Cousin Kevin has been a no show ever since. He should be here in 10 to life.”
That is miraculous on so many levels!
I look at that card, and I think one thing: a alternative rock band. Maybe Weezer? LOL.
Better than Geezer!
“If one of us isn’t Festive, perhaps a change of costume will do the trick?”
Oh God no! I would hate to see them even MORE festive!
Actually all 4 of those guys look like the same person….perhaps he was being “clever” and skillful…. Nah. It’s just Darrell, Larry, his other brother Larry and some stranger who just happened to walk in to sit on the couch and pose. My fave is the one with the shiny pants….
I think you’re right!
Mom! You should be so proud of the boys you raised! Merry Christmas, Love Eugene, Stan, Melvin and Albert
What? No Alvinnnnnnnnnnn? LOL!
All wired up for Black Friday! “Now let’s get shoppinggggggg!”
Poolie, I’m just like you. I HATE to shop. Christmas, to me, is lights and singing and baking and the tree lighting ceremonies and cookies and hot chocolate and Starbucks red cups. Everyone gets an envelope from me and they’re happy and I stay sane!
I am not alone! Thank you!