Captain’s Log 5,205
Well, it looks like the Illuminati fun has runs its course. I know these wild ideas of mine have a lifespan of the Pet Rock, but they are fun while they last. Almost 30 people played along, and that it a huge success in my book. Now all we have to do is wait for our assignment from the Vatican.
Speaking of books…..This one is amazing.
Funny times with a Swede. The author has completely redesigned the concept of “curmudgeon.” Funny how we always associate that word with a man. There is no female equivalent. I guess we are all supposed to bring up the image of Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey or remember the nasty old lady who always yelled, “Hey! You kids! Get off my grass!”
The author is one of those people who never smiles with his teeth.
I lived next to a female curmudgeon when I was a kid. Her name was Lena. She was married to Lee. She was much more curmudgeon-ish that he was. She used to look out her windows when she knew I was coming home from school to make sure I didn’t set one foot in her yard. If I even got within a foot of her grass, she would bang on the window and shake her fist at me. Eventually, she got pissed at my parents over something and installed a six foot wooden fence between their front yards so my parents could no longer look up the street when they sat outside in the evenings.
Lena and Lee were self-employed restaurant grease collectors. They would collect it in large barrels that they stored in their garage until they had enough to take to the place where you sell barrels of restaurant grease. They also mowed lawns around town. I guess they were quite good at both endeavors.
They planted a large patch of strawberries in their back yard and fenced it completely with chicken wire. When the bugs started eating the berries, they set two ducks inside the enclosure to eat the bugs. The ducks ate the bugs but they also stomped all the berries to pulp. They were always coming up with ideas like that.
Lena had six teeth. Lee had maybe four. Their bedroom was clearly visible from mine, so I used to turn off my lights and watch them roll around in their bed in their underpants. Sometimes, they weren’t wearing any underpants.
They washed those sheets about once every 3-4 months, and when they hung them on the line to dry, it was clearly evident that two restaurant-greasy bodies had been rolling around in those sheets in their underpants (or not in their underpants). Two brown body-sized stains on the fitted sheet hung like a distress signal from their clothesline.
I suppose they loved each other. They had a lot in common. Minimal teeth and no basic desire for personal hygiene.
I live next to a curmudgeon now, but she has softened a bit. No more spraying Febreze over the fence when I have guests on my patio. When she was broken into last year, she was upset and came right over to have somebody to help her with the police, etc. That’s how it usually happens. Natural disasters do the same thing. People put aside their differences when they need each other.
Maybe we need to need each other more.