Captain’s Log 5,199
It’s time to introduce the members of the new Illuminati club and post their skills and duties. I will highlight 4-5 each day until all have been accounted for.
So here we go (in order of membership)
This is first mate, Leigh. We will most likely need a ship that sails without anything technical aboard. That is the surest way to make sure we are stealthy when we invade other countries and steal the minds of their children. Sorta like Vikings….only different plunder.
This is Karen. She is our #1 spy in London. Cleverly disguised in her alien-festooned fishing hat, she thwarts them all by looking like she belongs in Roswell. Very clever disguise. She had lasers implanted in her eyes.
This is Paula. She is our survivalist expert for when we must escape into the woods and hide out amongst the flora and fauna. She uses her bear hat as a clever ruse to divert bears set on causing trouble and giving away our location the way bears so often do. Fucking bears.
This is Michael. He in the manager of the Illuminati ranch and takes personal charge of all the sheep and cattle that roam there as a “cover” for the real operations we undertake inside the grain silos (mostly initiation rites involving hay bales and rope). Yippie tie-yie-yoe!
This is Pam. She is in charge of all of our utility company sabotage we conduct in private homes. She is an expert on installing listening devices in bathrooms where scatological secrets are often shared (plus singing in showers). These recordings are used as blackmail whenever necessary.