Illuminati 101

Captain’s Log    5,198

Maybe I have been living under a rock, but I just now heard that the knuckle draggers are now saying that Obama is a member of the Illuminati.  Apparently, he is going to work for a New World Order that will absolutely destroy our way of life.  He is managing to do all of this while running the country.  He is a legendary multi-tasker!

Interesting.  Apparently, Lady Gaga is a Satanist Illuminati slave.  I wonder if she knows.

Illuminati…..Free Masonry…..both very similar and different.  Both “secret” and scary to those who don’t understand.  Free Masonry has been around for a very long time.  In fact, 14 past presidents have been Masons.  If you go up in rank and become a Shriner, you can drive clown cars in parades.  I suppose that is pretty scary too.

So I decided to check out this whole Illuminati business.  I have read Dan Brown’s novels.  I knew what I was looking for.

What surprised me is the online application.  Apparently, you can start the process with a simple cookie drop of your email and some basic information.  I guess the hooded Satanists then gather and start the process known as “Illuminati Vetting.”  They probably look at photos of you to see if you have a nascent all-seeing eye starting to form on your forehead.  You know, like our money has displayed FOREVER.  I suppose that is Obama’s fault too.  Years before he was even born, he designed our money to include a peeping pyramid.

all-seeing-eye-dollar-bill

Probably some Kenyan Muslim plot to destroy us – thanks, Obama!

So I have decided to demystify this whole Illuminati business.  I have started my own chapter.  It’s easy to join.  All you have to do is be brave enough to send me a photo of yourself in the official Illuminati uniform – your favorite bathrobe and a hat.  Since regular Illuminati people prefer to lurk around and wear their robes in secret, this is very important departure from the rules.  I will be posting photos of the new members here.  So far, we have five.  This is very exciting.  It’s almost as good as the Angela Lansbury With a Bucket on Her Head contest that ran here a few years ago.

illuminati

The goggles really make the statement, don’t you think?

 

 

20 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

20 responses to “Illuminati 101

  1. Susanna

    Yeah, and Hillary is supposed to be an illuminate. The lady does not have time to be an illuminate. Lots of paranoia going on these days.

  2. I was a rainbow girl and found it terribly boring. I think I’d rather be a hippy artist on the beach.

  3. goatbarnwitch

    If I were not in the depths of epic truck death I would get my silk japanese robe and an appropriately contradictory hat and get on board. Alas, I am pained by my lack of wheels and the subsequent insanity….
    But, bonus points… I was a Rainbow Girl in the Masonic Order so I get bumped for historic cred….. lol

  4. Patti

    where do I send my hat/robe photo? I wanna join!

  5. Patty O'

    What a wonderful romp it was to read this morning’s posting! I can now leave the house with a smile on my face. I LOVE your riff on the Illuminati and their robes (and bunny slippers?). Whoever thought of this new rumor is obviously both nuts and brilliant. Find something relatively obscure and incomprehensible and run with it. I’ll join your chapter as soon as I find a hat!

  6. Valerie

    I just googled Obama illuminati. These people are nuts!!! How can they be walking around and not committed to some institution somewhere???

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