Captain’s Log 5,198
Maybe I have been living under a rock, but I just now heard that the knuckle draggers are now saying that Obama is a member of the Illuminati. Apparently, he is going to work for a New World Order that will absolutely destroy our way of life. He is managing to do all of this while running the country. He is a legendary multi-tasker!
Interesting. Apparently, Lady Gaga is a Satanist Illuminati slave. I wonder if she knows.
Illuminati…..Free Masonry…..both very similar and different. Both “secret” and scary to those who don’t understand. Free Masonry has been around for a very long time. In fact, 14 past presidents have been Masons. If you go up in rank and become a Shriner, you can drive clown cars in parades. I suppose that is pretty scary too.
So I decided to check out this whole Illuminati business. I have read Dan Brown’s novels. I knew what I was looking for.
What surprised me is the online application. Apparently, you can start the process with a simple cookie drop of your email and some basic information. I guess the hooded Satanists then gather and start the process known as “Illuminati Vetting.” They probably look at photos of you to see if you have a nascent all-seeing eye starting to form on your forehead. You know, like our money has displayed FOREVER. I suppose that is Obama’s fault too. Years before he was even born, he designed our money to include a peeping pyramid.
Probably some Kenyan Muslim plot to destroy us – thanks, Obama!
So I have decided to demystify this whole Illuminati business. I have started my own chapter. It’s easy to join. All you have to do is be brave enough to send me a photo of yourself in the official Illuminati uniform – your favorite bathrobe and a hat. Since regular Illuminati people prefer to lurk around and wear their robes in secret, this is very important departure from the rules. I will be posting photos of the new members here. So far, we have five. This is very exciting. It’s almost as good as the Angela Lansbury With a Bucket on Her Head contest that ran here a few years ago.
The goggles really make the statement, don’t you think?