Hold the Mayo

Captain’s Log    5,196

So I seem to have developed an intolerance for mayo now.  It doesn’t surprise me.  It’s really quite rich and those foods don’t set well with me.  I actually don’t even LIKE mayo that much.  I grew up with the tangy taste of Miracle Whip, and I prefer that.

Mayonnaise is made out of oil and uncooked egg yolks. It’s essentially raw, greasy eggs.  Why on earth would I want to eat that?  Barack Obama doesn’t like it.  Jimmy Fallon says it tastes like pus.

A friend suggested I might consider an endoscopy to figure out why mayo upsets my stomach.  WTF?  Swallow a tube with a camera in it?  Hell no!  Oh hell no!  I can’t even swallow an aspirin much less a damn TUBE!

It seems far easier to stop eating mayo than put myself through a traumatic medical procedure.

And no offense to all the lovely people in Europe, but what the hell are you doing to your French fries (or chips)?

may fries

I respect the tradition of eating fries with mayo, but I just can’t do it.  Sorry.  I need ketchup.

When I was in the Netherlands, I asked for my fries with ketchup.  So they served me fries with ketchup AND mayo.  Oh dear.

So I will just give up mayo.  It’s truly disgusting no matter how you might try to defend it.  Greasy, raw eggs that have the taste and consistency of pus.  I do NOT need to swallow a damn tube to figure out why it makes me sick.  I don’t care that much.  I will simply never eat it again.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

21 responses to “Hold the Mayo

  1. Susanna

    I like veganese. Now I am wondering what really goes into veganese.

  2. Joanie

    After the pus comparison, I may never eat mayo again either. I

  3. goatbarnwitch

    If you find you need mayo for a dish check out Nayonnaise which is vegan and no where near as rich. most healthfood stores will have it

    • poolagirl

      Well, actually I have never NEED mayo for anything because I really don’t like it and actually avoid it almost like a plague. I had it on a sandwich last night and it was…..too rich.

  4. Carrie Duff

    You are toooooo funny! thanks!

  5. Carrie Duff

    You crack me up thanks!

  6. I hate when that happens. Dean’s family always used Miracle Whip so we didn’t get Hellman’s mayonnaise often. Although there is a 7 layer salad that absolutely requires it! Now, I don’t even have it in the house. LOL

  7. Hey Poolie, if you ever find yourself needing mayonnaise regardless (maybe a potluck at the museum and you have to bring potato or pasta salad) be aware that making mayo with *cooked* yolks is a perfectly acceptable variant. It’s a preferred version for dishes that may sit out for a while, like at picnics.

    Basically the yolks are whisked in a double boiler til custardy first, then the oil is added. It’s the same degree of doneness you’d get in French style ice cream, etc. I know it’s not gonna change your own aversion to the stuff, but if you ever do need to make it just drop me a line and I’ll walk you through it. It’s simple.


  8. Joel Anderson

    Oh, somebody else besides me likes Miracle Whip. I’m so happy.

  9. We had home delivered pizza for dinner the other night — we love home-delivery pizza from this one store. But both of us decided that we needed to chalk pizza off the list of foods we can eat. There are times in life when you realize your body just isn’t up for certain foods. One must obey their body or pay the price!

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