Too Darn Nice

Captain’s Log     6,148

Sometimes I am just too darn nice.   But I am learning to not be so nice all the time.   Setting boundaries is important.

I also find it curious that many times the things I tell other people (when they ask for my opinion) go in one ear and out the other until…..somebody else tells them the very same thing.  It’s so weird.  If you are the SECOND or THIRD advice giver, what you say means more than what the first person said initially.   So just me telling someone not to stand in a vat of gasoline with a lit match means nothing.  Three or FOUR people have to say the same thing.  I just don’t get it.

The same thing was true for people who want to get on Garrison Keillor’s radio show.  If you are from the Twin Cities, you are (for the most part) shit.  If you are from out of town, he will put you on the show regardless of your skill level.  He’s weird.

Anyway…..back to task.  Unsolicited advice usually goes absolutely nowhere.  I need to stop doing that.  There are times I really can’t help myself and I pipe up.  I am as kind as possible but I still pipe up.  I simply must stop doing that.  It’s like the old story about teaching a pig to sing.

pig sing

Pigs would rather not sing.  Just as some people would rather stand in a vat of gasoline with a lit match.  A milder and someone safer version is the guy who stands in the hall hitting himself in the head with a hammer.  Apparently, it feels so good when he stops.  Madness is madness no matter how it presents itself.

I gave some unsolicited advice yesterday.  It was not being heeded so I pulled rank and spoke as the boss.  It was a medical issue that really needed attention.  I did not want to deal with blood poisoning in the workplace.  I’m funny that way.  I will admit that I went beyond the scope of what I could legally do, but it worked.  And the end result was positive.  The person really did need medical attention.  And the person was surprised and eventually grateful.

So I mean it this time.  Unless someone is in mortal danger, I am finished saying anything. If someone insists on lighting those gas vat matches, I will call 911 if things go wrong.  Well, it’s not so much IF as it is WHEN something goes wrong with that vat of gas.  I am not Superwoman.  I cannot save people from their own folly.  These are adults who make their own decisions.


I am not a folly saver.

I have my own life to think about and plan.  I have my own life to enjoy.  It’s finally Paula Time.  I’ve earned it.  Unless I know I make a difference in someone’s life, I am not going to extend myself where I am really not needed or wanted.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

18 responses to “Too Darn Nice

  1. Joanie

    I don’t want to say that you should stop giving unsolicited advice since that would be giving unsolicited advice. Besides, your advice is usually wise and well thought out from past experience, yours or someone that you know well who been through a similar experience, so there! Example: Blood poisoning. Spider bite. Glad the “person” heeded your advice, boss or no boss.

  2. I’m the same way — I was ‘put in my place’ by the owner of a B&B one time when I tried to offer advice to an exchange student staying there. It was suggested that I not interfere with other people’s lives. Hmmm… good advice that. So I shut up and had another roll and jam with my morning coffee.

  3. goatbarnwitch

    Herd mentality?
    Enjoy your personal time, it’s really all you’ve got

  4. poundheadhere

    This is such a hot button. Advice is generally meant in the best way possible. Sometimes the best of intentions don’t make the best advice. Other times the best advice AND intentions aren’t enough. It’s dicey and it’s disheartening to see people suffer from their own inherent ignorance and ignore your attempts to help. I’ve been on both sides of the divide and it’s no easier either way.

  5. That happens to me also. I think that they are not really listening at all. And Yes, it is PAULA TIME.!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Patty O'

    Damn straight! Now, follow your own advice!

  7. Valerie

    I’ve experienced the same thing with people asking for advice and not heeding it until others chime in. I don’t get it either. I somertimes say “Why do you ask me…you never follow my advice anyway!” They deny that they do it

  8. Sally Vangorkom

    You go, girl!

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