Captain’s Log 6,113
I got a real Christmas gift from my staff last night! Well, from 3 of my staff. I guess the other 7 don’t care all that much. Being good sports, they all signed the card so it looked like they helped. But only 3 of them actually tossed in any money. So typical. It was the 3 I expected who would step up to the plate and be adults. It’s hard working with millenials sometimes. They have zero social graces and they really DO expect something for nothing. There are exceptions, but they don’t work for me.
But hey, I am grateful that my gift was purchased by real people rather than having my business manager just pay for it with the company credit card. That has happened in the past. Using the museum credit card is NOT buying the boss a Christmas present, a birthday gift, etc. If that was the case, I would buy my own damn present.
Friend Sally made sure she put a stop to using the company credit card to buy the boss a gift. I am so very grateful for that. I still don’t know why I didn’t stop it myself. There are a lot of things I do that make me wonder about my judgement sometimes.
When I experience Christmas at the museum, I am so grateful that I was not an indulged child. My parents were not well off, but we made sure we had presents for everybody. I remember getting 3-4 presents every year. One gift was always pajamas and/or the underwear stuff. When I was seven years old about to turn eight, my mom and dad got me a 3-speed bike for Christmas. That was the biggest present I ever received EVER from them. I had been riding my sister’s big clunky bike and they were afraid I would hurt myself. So I got the bike for Christmas but I could not even ride it until the snow melted in April. But that was the most exciting Christmas I can remember. They managed to fool me by hiding the bike in the neighbor’s garage until Christmas eve. That night, the neighbor sneaked onto our back porch and left the bike. He pounded on the door as he ran away. “Santa” had visited!
Of course I didn’t believe in Santa anymore but I played along with the ruse.
I am still trying to figure out why I am so bothered about my gift. Maybe it’s knowing that only 3 people cared enough to open their wallets and contribute. Maybe I am having a bruised ego here because I thought my staff appreciated me more. On the other hand, having this kind of “information” is helpful. Maybe the gift here is knowing where I really stand. It’s not about the gift, but sometimes……it can be about the lack of a gift.
I realize it’s not healthy for me to dwell on this. In the scheme of life, it’s not that weird. I need to move past and get on with the work. The volunteers presented us with lovely gift cards at the party last Friday – and they were not cheap. I felt truly loved and appreciated on Friday night, and that is the spirit I need to hold on to. Our volunteers are NOT millenials. They are people who were raised with an ethic of social grace.
I choose that blessing. I need to shake off any feelings of being not appreciated. In the long run, it doesn’t matter. In the short run, it can fuck with your head and heart for awhile.
I will get over it. I always do.