How White is My Elephant?

Captain’s Log    6,108

I am going to white elephant party next weekend.  It’s been a tradition for years.  I went to my first one in 1991 and it had been going on several years before that.  It’s the same group of people.  Meet once a year for this silly night.  We eat.  We steal disgusting gifts.

Certain gifts return every year.  The size 20 women’s granny panties with fake hair sewn into the girl bits area is always a good one.  Big Sister Mia got that one a few years ago.  I have no photo.  Sorry.

The other awful gift is a tissue box holder festooned with shells and other stupid shit.  It looks something like this.

ugly tissue

Isn’t that PRETTY??????

I may have scored a legacy gift this year.  Friend Mage works at the American Cancer Society gift store.  She is always coming across treasures that people donate.  She has found several lovely ceramic fruit teapots and pitchers to go with my collection.  But the one she found the other day is the absolutely perfect for this party!  It is sure to get rave ooh’s and ahh’s when the poor shit who opens it holds it up for review.

ugly pot

Isn’t that pretty too??????

I think the tissue box cover may have found a rival.  Some distant cousin who shows up for the family gathering and blows the cork right out of the champagne bottle!

I was going to the party with something not nearly as wonderful.  But this time….watch out!

Gifts I have taken home in the past include:

gravy bowl in the shape of a turkey

a do-it-yourself dental kit (from a real dentist who removed the actual needles and stuff)

an iron mace with nasty spikes

a box of 250 Mardi Gras beads

a ballerina lamp

a Beatles Yellow Submarine coffee mug

Gifts I have brought include:

the ballerina lamp (regifting bitch that I am)

12 bottles of vintage root beer (very high caliber stuff)

a clay flute that looks just like a penis

a prom dress WITH an inflatable crown the says “Queen”

You get the idea.  The tackier, the better.  However, that root beer was a hit.  Because the box was so big, it wasn’t chosen until the very end.  The guy who got it was thrilled!  People tried to side-trade with him after the party, and he would not do it!


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

23 responses to “How White is My Elephant?

  1. susanna

    I would think the weight of the produce would implode the teapot. I am sending an email to a friend who is giving a gift exchange $10.00 or under,,, boring. I am insisting on changing it to a weird treasure exchange. Thank you Poolie, you are the fun meter Christmas Girl for sure.

  2. I adore the teapot. The husband half would do everything in his power to get rid of it and I’d be holding on for dear life (if for no other reason than because it was driving him bonkers LOL!)

    I have no doubt you’ll be a hit 🙂

  3. Jpanie

    That teapot looks like somebody threw up all their vegetables!

  4. what a hoot! Makes me want to start a White Elephant Party ritual!

  5. Valerie

    Love the teapot! It’s perfect!!

  6. Patty O"

    I went to one of those parties for years. Hilarious! I recall a pair of raccoon penis bone earrings being a bit hit…

  7. Might be worth checking on that ugly fruit teapot…it might be a one of a kind and worth millions! LOL Friends do a White Elephant and once gave an old toilet seat…..It was a big hit!

  8. I kid you not: I would kill or die for that teapot!

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