Captain’s Log 6,108
I am going to white elephant party next weekend. It’s been a tradition for years. I went to my first one in 1991 and it had been going on several years before that. It’s the same group of people. Meet once a year for this silly night. We eat. We steal disgusting gifts.
Certain gifts return every year. The size 20 women’s granny panties with fake hair sewn into the girl bits area is always a good one. Big Sister Mia got that one a few years ago. I have no photo. Sorry.
The other awful gift is a tissue box holder festooned with shells and other stupid shit. It looks something like this.
Isn’t that PRETTY??????
I may have scored a legacy gift this year. Friend Mage works at the American Cancer Society gift store. She is always coming across treasures that people donate. She has found several lovely ceramic fruit teapots and pitchers to go with my collection. But the one she found the other day is the absolutely perfect for this party! It is sure to get rave ooh’s and ahh’s when the poor shit who opens it holds it up for review.
Isn’t that pretty too??????
I think the tissue box cover may have found a rival. Some distant cousin who shows up for the family gathering and blows the cork right out of the champagne bottle!
I was going to the party with something not nearly as wonderful. But this time….watch out!
Gifts I have taken home in the past include:
gravy bowl in the shape of a turkey
a do-it-yourself dental kit (from a real dentist who removed the actual needles and stuff)
an iron mace with nasty spikes
a box of 250 Mardi Gras beads
a ballerina lamp
a Beatles Yellow Submarine coffee mug
Gifts I have brought include:
the ballerina lamp (regifting bitch that I am)
12 bottles of vintage root beer (very high caliber stuff)
a clay flute that looks just like a penis
a prom dress WITH an inflatable crown the says “Queen”
You get the idea. The tackier, the better. However, that root beer was a hit. Because the box was so big, it wasn’t chosen until the very end. The guy who got it was thrilled! People tried to side-trade with him after the party, and he would not do it!