Captain’s Log 6,079
Disgraced TV evangelist Jim Bakker is now selling bulk food online…..so we can survive the zombie apocalypse. I am not making this shit up.
7 years of gourmet food in a Walmart tub. I would be lining up for that!
I suppose after Tammy Faye passed away in 2007 he needed something to do. His new wife obviously agrees with this whole Armageddon marketing plan. She is smiling enough to pop her dimples.
He also offers bundled packages. It’s sort of like ordering cable TV. Order the channel bundle and high-speed internet, and they usually throw in a free phone. Here is the description of the elite bundle….called Times of Trouble Tasty Food. For just $3,500.
With this special offer you will receive twenty-eight (28) 90 Day Emergency Food Buckets containing a total of 7,672 Servings. 20-Year Shelf Life! 46¢ per serving! $8,055 Value.
I am sorry. I am not eating ANYTHING with a 20-year shelf life!
I watched part of his show on YouTube yesterday. He truly believes that your neighbors are going to attack you when this horrible things happens. Those nice and friendly neighbors are going to turn feral. They might even try to eat your babies because it says in the Bible that these people are going to eat our arms and stuff. Since baby arms are kind of small, it makes sense that they would want to eat the whole baby.
Yes, I have a bomb shelter. No, I am not stocking it with Jim Bakker’s emergency supplies. I have a lot of fruit cups and peanut butter and Diet Coke. When all of that runs out, I am going next door to eat my neighbor’s new baby. I am also going to sit in my house and pretend I am not home. I have two geocaching headlamps and a lot of batteries, so I will be able to read for awhile too. I’m not worried.