Another Cobb Salad Fiesta

Captain’s Log   6,032

I have to go to another luncheon today.  There are two park-wide luncheons every year, and today’s the day.  I always rotate through the staff to take someone with me.  It’s Sally’s turn today.  I have to attend these things and I refuse to go alone.


400 people eating the same salad they serve for all the park-wide luncheons.  Every single time.  Identical menu.  Some sort of Cobb salad variation.  I get the special vegetarian selection which is the same salad without the bacon.  The wait staff have been known to roll their eyes when they have vegetarians at the tables.  Makes me want to smear the floor with butter to see what happens when they walk away in a huff.

There are always speeches by important people and then a guest speaker who tells us all how wonderful we are.  90 minutes later, we get to leave.

They sometimes serve wine at these affairs.  People start drinking in the lobby and then again at the tables.  I am astonished to see how many of my colleagues imbibe in the middle of a work day.

The also serve iced tea in glasses that sweat all over everything.  So if you take a sip, chances are condensation dribbles will spill into your crotch and it will look like you wet your pants.  I always wear black slacks to this event for that very reason.  I wore grey one year and wound up looking like I pissed myself quite badly.  I guess this whole thing can be avoided if you wrap a napkin around the glass, but they don’t make accommodations for that.  I will bring a roll of toilet paper with me today and pass it around to everyone who wants to wrap their glass and maintain slacks that look pee-free.  I will be a hero.

What I don’t do in this WAY glamorous job.

The Calms Forte herbal sleep aid seems to really work.  I fell asleep soundly and only woke up once for a brief moment.  I actually woke up to extricate my gold bracelet that had somehow lodged into my eye socket.  Had that not happened, I could have slept through the night.

I pumped up on protein this morning.  I did the same thing last night.  I want to be in the merge lane for a career change if I ever decide to become a body builder.

It is my intention to skip out of the building after work today in euphoric triumph to welcome this upcoming 3-day weekend.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

21 responses to “Another Cobb Salad Fiesta

  1. Stephanie

    You crack me up. 🙂

  2. joanie

    Where do you find “Calms Forte”. I wanna try it.

  3. Oy. At first I always like those sort of events because it gets me out of work, but the SAME salad? All the time? Oh, no!

  4. susanna

    It looks like there is no quick escape from that room; locked in solid and then the speeches begin. OMG, your description was hysterical.

  5. Poolie the solution-finder!

  6. The Knitting Cinephile

    Better a Cobb Salad-ish thing than a “chicken” breast covered with lukewarm Cambell’s cream of mushroom soup.

  7. Patty O"

    You are hilarious. One good thing about a Cobb; there HAS to be SOMETHING in there that everybody will like! Ask for your iced tea to be served in a wine glass. No dribble. Nothin’ quite like lunch in a warehouse…

  8. Sally Vangorkom

    The black slacks I decided to wear today were clearly an inspired choice! And…there’s wine? Whaaat?

  9. Glad to hear that you are sleeping. Good idea on the TP…I bet you will be a heroine. I’m so impressed that you consider all the problems and remember to wear black slacks. No wonder you are a super star!

  10. bholles

    Glad your sleep aid is working. Have fun at lunch.

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