Captain’s Log 5,914
Sometimes (actually most of the time) I just lose my courage when it comes to food. I went on an adventure to explore a new restaurant with Friend Pam last night, and I just couldn’t do it. The whole place is vegan/vegetarian…..and I still couldn’t do it. Just because something is vegan/vegetarian does not mean it needs to be weird. For example, why on earth would someone steep regular and great iced tea with sprigs of lavender? I don’t want sprigs of anything in my tea. I just want some damn tea.
Here’s what they do to simple broccoli.
Crisp griddled broccoli with lemongrass, ginger, garlic and red chili.
I think that’s too much for broccoli. With the garlic, ginger, and red chili, it might very well be a firehouse in your mouth. Plus, would it even taste like broccoli anymore? Or is broccoli just a convenient trencher to hold mouth-burning spices?
They didn’t have regular French fries. They had all kinds of other fries drizzled with exotic oils. I don’t like exotic oils on my French fries. They are not supposed to be exotic. And the whole sweet potato fries trend can just go away as far as I am concerned. They are right up there with pumpkin Oreos.
Obviously, I am a peasant when it comes to food.
Simple tastes for a simple mind
I grew up with simple food. My mom was not one to experiment with broccoli by frying it and dousing it with spices. She steamed it and we ate it with butter and salt. She did the very same thing with asparagus (called spare grass by an old lady cousin and that was its name forever in our family).
My mom put hot bacon grease and vinegar on iceberg lettuce and called it a salad. That was the extent of her exotic flair. I didn’t taste a cold salad until I got into college. People in my small town were seemed quite fond of hot grease and vinegar. I ate a lot of cereal.
To this day, I abhor vinegar. I am not that fond of hot grease either. You can serve me balsamic that costs $48 a bottle, and I will gag. Vinegar is what you use to clean your windows OR make a hot grease salad.
So we moved over to Panera for dinner. I can handle Panera. They have a great mozzarella sandwich with sun-dried tomatoes and basil. No hot grease. No vinegar. No fried broccoli.
Peasant food served with exactly nine potato chips
Perfect. It was a toss-up between this and the mac and cheese. Panera makes a great mac and cheese. That too should be simple. I went to a party the other night where they served mac and cheese with lobster! Why? Why do people have to gussy up food like that? So they can say, “Surprise! We fucked up perfection!” I just started tolerating Panko crumbs on my mac and cheese, so don’t go putting stuff in there like lobster!
Sometimes I think I should just go to the woods and live a simple life – eating apples and cheese, veggie bacon sandwiches, and grapes. I wonder how long it would take me to go crazy. Add Coco Puffs and I could last for years.