Captain’s Log 5,893
I was so looking forward to making a juice today with pineapple and raw pepitas (pumpkin seeds). As I lounged in bed thinking about getting up, I could almost taste what I was about to throw into the Nutri Bullet.
I cut up some fresh pineapple, added vanilla Greek yogurt, some orange juice…..
And then, I reached for these……
A breeding ground for little moth things that fly in your face
Nasty little moth things went everywhere! The bag was alive with crawling and sputtering moth things! Granted, I had these for several months, but I assumed the seeds would be pest-free. Guess I was wrong.
It makes you wonder just how many larvae we actually eat. I am going to hit Google. Back with the bad news. Hang on just a second….
The closest thing I could find on the list is corn meal. Read this.
In 100 grams of corn meal—that’s roughly the amount required by your average corn bread recipe—the FDA says it’s OK to have two or more “whole insects,” 100 or more insect fragments, and either 4 rodent hairs or 2 or more chunks of rodent poop.
How about cranberry sauce?
The FDA says it’s OK if 15 percent of a can of cranberry sauce is moldy.
Tomato paste/sauce products?
Tomato paste, pizza sauce or other sauces can include 30 or more fly eggs per 100 grams. Alternatively, you can have 15 or more fly eggs and one or more maggots, OR two or more maggots, but not all of the above.
I’m glad to see they really put some parameters around the whole tomato paste/sauce thing. Gotta really limit those maggots. If you don’t, then everyone will want to put two or more maggots in everything. Hats off to the FDA for keeping the tomato paste/sauce guys in line.
The whole cranberry thing baffles me too. How does one measure the moldiness of cranberry sauce, and how do you know it’s 15%. They are scientists and a lot smarter than me, but hey. I want to know where the 85% of the unmoldy cranberries are so I can eat them. Last I checked, once something begins to mold, the whole thing is ruined (except for hard cheeses).
A long time ago, a friend (who was really drunk at the time) made me an sour cream omelette. It looked great, but the sour cream had gone moldy. Apparently, she just scraped off the blue/green hairy stuff and still used what looked okay. I bit into the omelette and it tasted like I was licking an old basement wall. Now, granted, I have not licked a huge number of basement walls in my life, but I can imagine. I haven’t walked across the Grand Canyon on the tightrop either, but I can imagine. So I am suggesting to the FDA they allow 0% mold in sour cream. I’m sure mold is somehow involved in making it sour in the first place, but I prefer not to know shit like that.
There was nothing said about fresh cranberries, but we cook those ourselves. Hopefully, we wash them before we cook them. And then we boil the shit out of them on the stove, so larvae, rodent hairs, and poop chunks don’t stand a chance. No more canned cranberries at Thanksgiving. Only lazy shits use that stuff anyway so I guess it doesn’t matter. If you are lazy enough to use canned cranberries, you can risk the mold factor. Open two cans and you might actually die.
So when someone gives me crap about the FIVE SECOND RULE about eating stuff I dropped on the floor, I am going to tell them about the rodent poop chunks allowed in corn meal. Now, if I drop a corn muffin on the floor, I might actually die if I eat it. Floor germs AND rodent poop chunks. It’s highly unlikely anyone could survive both.
On a side note, I don’t think I will ever eat spaghetti again. I’m sure the sauce has maggots and the pasta is bound to have hairs and rodent poop.
And all I wanted was a nice juice drink to enjoy while I sat down to write this. Was that too much to ask?
I said “shit” at least three times in this entry. I must be experiencing anger issues this morning.