Dark Shadows and Nun Hats

Captain’s Log   5,887

I am really goofy when I get up in the middle of the night.  I do odd things.  If I am not reading, I try to do simple chores.  That can range from organizing my recycling area in the garage to simple gardening under the patio lights.

I gardened at 3:00 this morning.  Well, I noticed that one of the hanging plants was in dire need of a drink, so I went over with the hose and started watering.  I looked down at the edge of the planter and noticed a huge black stain on the cement.  WTF?  It was oddly-shaped and very black.  So I set the hose to the “stain” and blasted it with the fiercest stream of water possible.  It was still there.  Whatever it was…..it was not budging.

I thought to myself, “How could something like errant road tar find its way to my geranium planter?  Has some sort of bituminous coal bounced off a truck and landed here without me noticing?”

I said “bituminous.”  Neener.

It’s amazing how your mind works when you have just eaten banana bread washed down with the remnants of your diet Dr. Pepper left on the coffee table since dinner – – – hours ago.  You just don’t think clearly.  All you want to do is water a fookin’ plant and black stains appear to thwart you.  I just HATE when that happens!

I turned off the hose and bent over the stain for a closer look.  Damn!  It was so black and unbudging!  Unbudging is not really a word but it works well here.  I said “unbudging.”  Neener.

I turned on the damn hose and tried again.  Same dark black stain.  I stood up tall after looking at the “stain.”  And it moved!  Indeed.  It was not a stain at all – it was the shadow cast from the light hitting the hummingbird feeder!  I don’t know how long I might have been out there fussing about what to do.  The stain moved because I lightly brushed against the feeder with my enormous head. 

I really DO have an enormous head.  When I wear a baseball cap, the sizer thing is as large as it can possibly go.  Even large army helmets seem to perch on my head instead of sit right.  And when I biked down the Haleakala volcano in Hawaii, the outfitters had to go back into storage to find a helmet that fit me.  I had the same problem when I visited my niece in Canada last year.  She had to scrounge around to find me a SUPER XL helmet from the guys she knows so I could go on a charity ride as a passenger on her motorcycle.  Trust me, I have one BIG head!

So now I am charged with the task of outfitting myself for a theatrical thing I am doing in January.  I need to appear as a nun.  Not a complete nun.  Just the nun headpiece or wimple.  Friend Mage offered to make me one, but I found one online and ordered it yesterday.  Saves a lot of puttering around and probably comes in much cheaper in the long run. 


I like how it kind of puffs out at the temples on the model’s head.  If it puffs out on her, it just might fit me.  Maybe.  I don’t need it for long.  Just a few minutes of stage time.  Not nearly long enough to give me a migraine or anything.

I don’t where else anyone could have so much nun fun for $12.   I tried to get some nun puppets online too, but nobody makes them anymore.  Guess I will have to settle for nun puppets crafted from lunch bags, construction paper, and those stick-on google eyes.  You see, I am going to play THREE NUNS on stage.  At the same time.  So the headpiece thing has to work well since I will have lunch bags on my hands at the same time.  I can’t be fussing or having my wimple fall off during the scene.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

14 responses to “Dark Shadows and Nun Hats

  1. poundheadhere

    You’re going to be magnificent!

  2. Susanna

    I am not going to miss this production of Mother Poolie and her paper bag postulates! It sounds like great, silly FUN! Keep us informed as to month, dates, times.

  3. Valerie

    Oh, dear. Besides having me laugh out loud, your wonderful post showed me that we are indeed genetically linked – I can never find a hat to fit my massive head! I’m talking even the cool knit hats with the long dangling thingies – the knit just can’t stretch that far. :o(

  4. How do you solve a problem like our Poolie
    How do you catch a wimple and pin it down?
    How do you find a word that means Poolie Boolie?
    A adventuress, a insomniac, but not a clown!

    Many a thing you know you’d like to share with her
    Many a thing she already must understand
    But how do you make her stop
    while she waits for something to drop.
    When the catastrophies are always around

    Oh, how do you keep a friend like our Miss Poolie?
    How do you make laugh and share her time?

  5. Dear God, and where do we find you on this stage?
    We are rabidly looking forward to saturday.

  6. Patty O'

    OK. Three of the sisters from “Nunsense”? A religious take on Jeff Dunham. (Sister Peanut is just plain WRONG!) Hmmm…

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