Mr. Rude Host and the Kiss

Captain’s Log   5,882

So I went to a tedious workshop yesterday morning to learn how to complete a contract for city funding.  Nod off.  Nod off.  When they finally got to the part that directly affect what I have to do, I perked up a bit.  Now, imagine this workshop.  Two and half hours long with no breaks, no coffee, no water.  No nothing.  Talking about forms.  Thank goodness we had selected chairs with arms.  It’s easier to slouch when your chair has arms.

So, when we got to the part that I have to write, the guy said, “Oh, don’t worry too much about this.  Just put in a few things.  This is the part that will be read by the city guys, and they don’t really care that much.  Just as long as you put something in those boxes.”

Nice to know.  Nice to know that those asshats who make $45 an hour and have huge pensions don’t even read the all-important paperwork.  So here is a list of things I might include on the damn FORM that nobody is going to read.

Mares eat oats and does eat oats but little lambs eat ivy.

Mickey Mouse’s ears are always turned forward no matter which way he turns his head.

Sweet dreams are made of this.  Who am I to disagree?

Palm trees are not technically trees.

Dryer lint stuffed into a toilet paper roll makes an excellent firestarter.

I will show those guys!  Won’t they be surprised to find such random stuff in my contract?  HA HA!

Those firestarter things really work.  I saw it on YouTube.

firestarter

Firestarter I made after cleaning the lint trap that was kinda full of ripped up Kleenex (it happens).  The errant hair on the side will probably add a little kick to the experience.  This is something to really look forward to.

I went to a snotty party last night and the host was rude to me.  Imagine his surprise when the guest of honor came up and kissed me on the cheek.  Mr. Rude Host had no idea who I was (not that I am super important).  But it was a car event and I run the only car museum in town.  So yes, I knew the guest of honor.  Quite well, actually.  Well enough for him to deposit body fluids on my face.  I was kind of a snot back.  After the cheek kiss, I turned to Mr. Rude Host and handed him my business card and told him to call me if he was ever interested in displaying his cars.  And then I left.  Exits are always important.  I don’t ever make big exits, just impressive ones when needed.  

Mr. Rude Host reminded me of this.

slinkies

He’s just damn lucky it was a one-story warehouse.

I came home to find a big cricket in my bathroom sink.  There was a wasp in the hummingbird feeder this morning.  So many things to rescue.  I have a tool for that.  It’s not very fancy, but I really like my insect saver.  It works on spiders, bees, crickets, wasps, etc.  Just place the cup over the little guy and slide the cardboard underneath.  Bless the poor little thing and take it outside.

bug catcher

High tech bug saving device – have transported hundreds of wee critters to safety with this

Maybe I should put the city contract readers into this device and carry them off somewhere.

15 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

15 responses to “Mr. Rude Host and the Kiss

  1. poundheadhere

    Crap can’t write anything coherent tonight. Hopefully you understood what I meant and not what I wrote, lol.

  2. poundheadhere

    Sorry you’ve had to deal with yet more rude (and in the case of the city group, incompetent and impotent) people. From the sounds of it, maybe it’s that the people in charge of the funding don’t understand big words. Try writing it to a kindergarten perspective and you might win because they finally comprehend.

    Although back when I was working for the state as a food stamp case worker, our trainer told us – not making this up – that the people in one very highly paid department there was an average of 15 minutes of actual work performed PER WEEK for these guys. And yes, it was men in that echelon. There was a folder of “busy work” on every desk, for appearance’s sake, if anyone came in who might pay attention.

  3. I hate that too. The requirements are almost impossible to meet and then you find out they didn’t even bother to read most of it. Slackers!!!!

  4. Patty O'

    I love your polite departure. I hope Mr. Rude Host wakened this morning with a terrible cold.

  5. In the same category as the overpaid grant readers, may I mention the State caseworkers who can’t deal with online banking. They want copies of bills (which I don’t keep) and checks (which I almost never write). They are in for a surprise, because I shall give them a hard time. If a woman in her seventies can learn to use modern banking, the fools who live by their phones can do it too. (And how the heck do they afford smart phones?)

  6. LOL Youse is such a winner.
    Thanks so much for all the wonderful notes this last week. I love em.

  7. You had a very busy day.

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