Green Weenie

Captain’s Log   5,878

The park has a new customer transport service.

green weenie

Affectionately called the Big Green Weenie by those of us who work in the park

It’s a free service that gets you from Point A to Point B in record time.  “Record time” is the operative phrase, because the drivers go like bats out of hell when they drive these things.  Look closely.  You sit on a bench with an open wall.  I’m surprised nobody has fallen out yet.

A tree branch fell on some lady yesterday as she was trying to use the ATM.   It might have been a palm frond, but either way, she was injured.  Eucalyptus trees tend to “self prune” without notice.  I never park my car under one of those trees because you just never know when the tree might decide to shed itself of a branch or two.  Silly for those trees to even be in the park, but they are.  And palm fronts have very sharp edges.  They hurt people all the time.

So between falling out of green weenies and being assaulted by falling vegetation, the park can be a very dangerous place.  It used to be safe if you walked only through the parking lots, but now the green weenie has been unleashed.  It zooms around parking lots with nether a care.  And it’s silent.  All electric.  Imagine something that big sneaking up on you!  And I do not think they are equipped with horns.  Turn around and there is a big green weenie bearing down on you!  Trust me, it happens.

We had a wine and cheese reception at the museum last night.  I had totally forgotten about it until I walked in yesterday morning and was reminded.  We had a lot of wine but had to make a run for fruit, cheese, and crackers.  I prepared the fruit tray, and someone on my staff took issue with the stems I left on the grapes.  I did that on purpose.  I thought it looked cool and it also allowed people to grab 4-5 grapes with a natural “handle.”  So there I was arguing about grape handles.  I tried to pick this battle but the other person wouldn’t let me.   I used the moment as another opportunity to go Zen.  I kept telling myself  “It’s only grape handles.  It’s only grape handles.”  


Strawberries and grapes with handles

It’s Freak Tuesday today – the largest one of the year.  We are expecting 3,500 unwashed Mongol hordes to descend between the hours of 10:00 AM and 4:00 PM.  If you never hear from me again, you will know why.

There are leftover grapes with handles in the fridge.  I intend to enjoy them when I take a break from the madness.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

14 responses to “Green Weenie

  1. Valerie

    I love the word “nether” – I’m going to have to work that into a conversation this week.

  2. Ter

    Thanks for making me aspirate my lunch… now my throat hurts and all I can smell is nachos! 🙂

  3. I think the grape handle idea is more sanitary than people using their fingers to get the grapes off the fruit plate. So a “whine & Cheeze” event and now Free Tuesday ~ does it get any more exciting than that? Oh yes, wait for the palm frond to slice you open. I got hit by falling pine cones in Florida and it was very painful and I had to put a lot of antiseptic on it for days.

  4. Patty O'

    You were RIGHT about the grape handles.

  5. I’ve ridden that monster. Not quiet at all. The propulsion system is in that big box thing, and it;’s good to sit as far from it as possible to retain your sanity. Try sitting in front of it while you are not flying off the seats. The old service worked well enough.

  6. Penny Tushingham

    I agree to leave handles 100%. Some people just need to get a life!

    Pen Pen

  7. We grape eaters know that grapes taste better if they keep their handles till the last minute. Natural grape eating, as opposed to some gourmet who dipped naked grapes into milk, grated cheese and chopped nuts.

    The gourmet chef’s explanation was that they were trying to offer a snack that wasn’t cake or cookies. It wasn’t very good, either.

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