Captain’s Log 5,862
Ever notice how rats jump ship when it starts to sink? Rather than stay aboard to keep it from sinking, they bail. Lousy, self-serving rats. Then again, one should not expect nobility from a rodent. How’s THAT for a random thought for the day? The whole thing with the Confederacy (which will not have detail here) involved some tossing under buses, leaping off ships, and probably a random horse head or two in someone’s bed. When you go through something like this, you really know who your friends are. You really know whose trust in you has not moved from the mark. Those who will stand next to you and speak truth too. Too many times I have been left standing alone in the mire of destruction, but not this time. This time, I had an army of support. I was not the lone flag waver at the top of the rampart. I did not lead only myself into battle. I think those I have always tried to protect finally realized the size of the stone I had been carrying for them, and they helped this time.
I know how easy it is to turn away and let someone get knee-capped, fired, tossed onto the heap of a witch fire. Just as I have been the one thrown into the fray, I too have let others crash and burn. It’s called fear. If bastards will do that to the target person, imagine what they will do to me if I stand up and something goes wrong. Imagine. When a bully sees victory with their target, going after others is even easier. And that’s when people pretend not to see. It’s the Kitty Genovese story all over again. Not as harsh but with the same psychology. Stay small and stay alive. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. I know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to stand silent when someone is the butt of a cruel joke – when someone is unjustly accused of something they did not do – or when someone is randomly selected for abuse. I know. I’ve been there, and I know the sick feeling in my soul when I stood there and let it happen. I thank the gods for that sick feeling. That’s the feeling we need to pay attention to if we are ever going to be more than a fair weather friend to someone. I couldn’t find a deeply emotional and sensitive picture for what I am trying to say, so this is it.
I have been a fair weather friend and I am not proud of that. It’s something I work on all the time. Do I have the guts to stand up? Do I have the guts to push through my comfort zone and do the right thing? Do I work hard enough to let people know how much I love them?
This is a process and a journey. I am so grateful for what I have received with the latest uproar. I can actually see a beacon of light in that tunnel now. Before, I was walking through the muck with just my hands on the wall for balance and guidance. Alone.
I guess the old adage is true. If you want a friend, be a friend. But never a fair weather friend. Fuck that noise.