Captain’s Log 5,831
I just signed up to get notified when a crime is committed in my neighborhood. I already know where all the sex offenders live. Maybe I am better off not knowing this stuff. Can ignorance be bliss? It works for children most of the time. And a lot of adult too.
Speaking of children…..I realize that’s the way to become bilingual. To be a kid again. The Rosetta program uses that strategy to teach languages. It puts you at the toddler level and lets you start there. The only reservations I have about all of this is simple. I know a buttload of cuss words in Spanish. I fear I will say something toddler-ish that might come out like I want to dance on your genitals. Stuff like that scares me. So many things have flown out of my brain via my mouth – things that I cannot reel back in for a nice do-over.
I want to dance on your genitals
Maybe I should pick a language I don’t really know at all. No profane language to get in the way of my fluency. Anneke might like it if I learned Dutch. The only thing I know how to say is……
Waarom heeft de fiets lopen over mijn voeten? Why did the bicycle run over my feet?
Waar is mijn gratis glas water? Geen gratis water? Where is my free glass of water? No free water?
Waarom is uw chocolade zo goed? Why is your chocolate so good?
Ik ben overreden door een trein. I have been run over by a train.
Ik hou van je kaasfondue. I love your cheese fondue.
Uw trap is een killer. Ik heb mijn schedel gekraakt. Your staircase is a killer. I have cracked my skull.
That’s a good start, anyway. I should at least be able to take the train, get hit by a bicycle, climb some steep stairs into a nice restaurant, and order lunch…..without water.
This sounds far better than accidentally calling someone a whore.