Captain’s Log 5,830
Okay, I am squicking out over here because two crows have taken it upon themselves to eat a dead bunny right on the ledge outside my window! Jesus frickin’ Christ! We just celebrated Easter a few weeks ago! Bunnies should have some sort of grace period this time of year or something. GAAAAAAAA! I know better than to try to scare them off. Last time I tried to scare crows, they ate the patio door off my bedroom. You think I am kidding? They attacked the glass with their little crow tongues smooshed flat to make a nice sticky crow spit mess that I could not clean up because I was a prisoner. If I set foot on my bedroom patio, those fuckers would attack me! It went on for months. In addition to demolishing the patio door, they also started removing shingles from the roof. I am not kidding! Anything to murder me.
So now I have this to look forward to. They bring up the carcass, do a little dance, and pick it to pieces. It’s like watching Game of Thrones. I have crows…and a wall. And innocent little creatures are killed willy-nilly. I fear the wildings will attack me if I go out to my car and try to go home.
I just don’t like Marlin Perkins moments like this. Gnus getting run down and eviscerated in Africa is one thing. I know gnus are wildebeests, but I am unsure of the spelling. Besides, “gnu” sounds funnier. Then again, there is nothing funny about having your bowels ripped out….even if you are gnu.