Are You a Gnu?

Captain’s Log   5,830

Okay, I am squicking out over here because two crows have taken it upon themselves to eat a dead bunny right on the ledge outside my window!  Jesus frickin’ Christ!  We just celebrated Easter a few weeks ago!  Bunnies should have some sort of grace period this time of year or something.  GAAAAAAAA!  I know better than to try to scare them off.  Last time I tried to scare crows, they ate the patio door off my bedroom.  You think I am kidding?  They attacked the glass with their little crow tongues smooshed flat to make a nice sticky crow spit mess that I could not clean up because I was a prisoner.  If I set foot on my bedroom patio, those fuckers would attack me!  It went on for months.  In addition to demolishing the patio door, they also started removing shingles from the roof.  I am not kidding!  Anything to murder me.

So now I have this to look forward to.  They bring up the carcass, do a little dance, and pick it to pieces.  It’s like watching Game of Thrones.  I have crows…and a wall.  And innocent little creatures are killed willy-nilly.  I fear the wildings will attack me if I go out to my car and try to go home.

I just don’t like Marlin Perkins moments like this.  Gnus getting run down and eviscerated in Africa is one thing.   I know gnus are wildebeests, but I am unsure of the spelling.  Besides, “gnu” sounds funnier. Then again, there is nothing funny about having your bowels ripped out….even if you are gnu.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “Are You a Gnu?

  1. G says that crows don’t like crows or red tailed hawks. You might put a computer speaker next to your window to move them on. Then again, they know it’s a human inside the window.

  2. Murder of Crows refers to a group of them. and Yes, they are very smart….”Crows live everywhere in the world except Antarctica and are a part of myths and legends in many cultures. Their reputation in the stories varies from comical to frightening, godlike or wise, bringers of light and bringers of death, though a “murder” of crows refers to a flock of crows, and not to anything murderous, at all. They may be all these things, but what we are learning is that they are especially smart.

    New research has shown that they are among the most intelligent animals on the planet. They use tools as only elephants and chimpanzees do, and recognize 250 distinct calls. One particular talent they have been discovered to possess is the ability to recognize individual human faces and pick them out of a crowd up to two years later – a trick that might make even Hitchcock shiver with fright.

    They thrive wherever people live and have used their great intelligence to adapt again and again to a constantly changing world. Some memorize garbage truck routes, and follow the feast from day to day. Others drop nuts in the road and wait for passing cars to crack them open. And some build their nests from items we throw away – like wire clothes hangers.

    These are social birds that mate for life and raise their young for up to five years. And they learn from each other’s misfortunes. When one is killed in a farmer’s field, it’s not uncommon for them to change entire migratory patterns so that no crows fly over that field for as long as two years.

    These birds might have a scary reputation, but what may prove to be the scariest thing about them is how much they know about us, and how little we know about them!”


  3. ned

    Have you come across “Flanders and Swann”? They did a wonderful song about a Gnu. Listen here

  4. Joanie benson

    Eww. That’s it. Just eww.

  5. Patty O'

    Oh dear. I guess this isn’t a good time to tell you any of the magical crow and raven tales of the Northwest Native Americans…

  6. Yuck. I’m thinking there’s got to be something to discourage crows from making your home theirs. And yeah, watch out for the ones with three eyes.

  7. goatbarnwitch

    A group of crows is referred to as a Murder….. no surprised. Look the other way for a bit, the bunny won’t last that long

  8. Ter

    As long as none of them are three-eyed, you should be okay. Just watch out for roaming dire wolves and lil shits named Joffrey 🙂

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