Big-Eyed Babe

Captain’s Log   5,763

Ever had a finger pointed at you?  Look closely the next time that happens.  Look closely the next time you do it to someone else (yes, we all do it).

finger-pointing

That’s one finger directed at the “pointee” and three fingers directed at the “pointer.”  Makes for an interesting discussion.

There are several ways around this.  The first and most often chosen method is to shake a fist in someone’s face very rapidly.  Such rapid shaking negates the direction of any particular finger that may or may not be pointing at someone.  The fist shaker merely looks like a constipated baboon that cannot fathom the idea that he is full of shit.

The other method is to not shake or point anything but simply stand there and yell.   This method is enhanced ten-fold if the yeller partakes of garlic or curry before the confrontation.  It is also effective when the yeller has active salivary glands and actually spews spit during the yell fest.  If the person on the receiving end of the noisy bodily fluid shower can just stand there in tranquil Zen, the yeller can be completely deflated by hearing the words, “I forgive you.”  It takes a lot of practice to tell a spit spewer that he is forgiven, but it does work.  Over time.

The best method I have perfected is the Poolie Stare.  I have tried to capture it several different ways.  It consists of widening my eyes, flaring my nose a bit, and not breathing or blinking.  The purpose of the stare is to send this message.

Mess with me and I will rip your throat out.  or…..  I cannot believe you are such a troll.

Here is an example.  I took this shot in my bathrobe this morning, so I’m not very scary in microfiber.  But you get the idea.  Nobody is scary in a bathrobe.

poolie stare 2

I can hold this stare without blinking for almost a minute.  I timed myself a while ago.

This works on angry dogs and stupid people.   It also works on angry people.  It frustrates them.  The trick is to not talk whilst Poolie staring.  That ruins the entire effect.  You just have to stare and let them see your mind.  At the very end of a good Poolie Stare, it’s important to give the briefest of smiles as the final touch.  That little smile confirms that the person in the line of silent fire is an asshat.  It’s okay to smile at asshats.  They aren’t expecting it.

In challenging times, it’s important to have an arsenal that does not physically harm anyone.  It’s important to find a tool that allows you to hold your truth and your space.  For me, it’s staring.  That’s why God gave me such big eyes.

20 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

20 responses to “Big-Eyed Babe

  1. Patty O'

    Anyone who points a finger in my face is in danger of having it bitten off.

  2. joanie

    You could be a HYPNOTIST with those eyes.

  3. Will you be upset if I tell you that you didn’t scare me with that look? I’m giggling even as I type this.

  4. That would certainly intimidate me!!

  5. One of my favorite phrases when someone screams at me is “I beg your pardon?” If he or she is too stupid to be humiliated at that point, it doesn’t matter, because I’ve still owned them.

  6. I have done something similar: I agree as much as I can, calmly. (Example: I reported a phone call to the person who hadn’t been in, even though the caller absolutely refused to give me any information except his name. I truly thought the jackass might recognize the name.)

    “You are supposed to take a message.”
    “He didn’t say. I asked.”
    “You are supposed to give the details of every call.”
    “We try.”

    He left; he didn’t know my secret. He was always trying to make female employees cry, so I never did. My supervisor came out and said, “what the hell was that?” I found out later that the guy was just in the mood for a fight; he went and picked on someone else. Over the years he really tried to get my goat and never did. I win.

  7. I’ve always known the Poolie stare would be the ultimate retort! Go get ’em!

  8. bholles

    Glad I dont make you mad.

  9. Your message is clear. If they ever do a remake of “Night of the Living Dead”, you should definitely audition for lead role. 🙂

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