Santa and Snakes…Gads!

Captain’s Log   5,744

Santa Santa Santa.  It’s all about Santa!  And the fear of Santa!  My pal Hissie used to be terrified of Santa – even as an adult.  Some of my other pals are afraid of clowns.  I am really only afraid of snakes and hanging upside down.  I think the worst possible hell would be hanging upside down with a snake.  That’s why God chose Eve instead of me.  She seemed perfectly content to have a conversation with a talking snake.  I’m sure they did some hanging around too.  Probably upside down.  The Bible doesn’t want to get into the whole snake symbolism thing, but you can’t fool me.

I would hit the tequila if that talking snake thing happened to me – after I ran 50 miles to get away from the damn snake.

Here’s a photo that is the worst possible thing if you would be afraid of Santa, snakes, and anorexic girls.

santa-and-his-snake

This is one of the most random photos I have ever seen.  A Christmas snake!  It looks like Santa is wearing surgical boots too.  What the hell?  Is this some sort of limbo contest?   She looks very enticing stepping over her snake like that.

Okay, enough fun.  Back to the strange photos of the yearly tradition of placing small children into the lap of a scary man in a red suit and a synthetic beard.  Such fun!

scared of santa 4

Really good scream with Lumberjack Santa

scared of santa 5

Four screamers for the price of one.  Santa is wearing draperies just like Scarlet O’Hara.

scared of santa 6

Ummmm………no words to describe this one.  I might call this one  I Hear Banjo Music Santa.

And last but not least, I would like to address WHERE one goes to find a good Santa.  Malls are good.  Private parties with snakes are not so good.  Neither is this place.

santa in the liquor store

Consolidating errands and fun for the kids?  The boxes of wine in the background are a really nice touch.

We are having our volunteer party tonight at the museum.  Lots of fun.  I am regifting a present I received for my housewarming party last June.  I drink rum once in a awhile and tequila even oncer in awhile and never ever EVER drink wine.  So why did I receive 14 bottles of wine and this stuff?

pink lemonade vodka

Gag me.  Flavored vodka is what I drank my first year of college when I had no idea what drinking was all about.  Even if I DID drink vodka now, it wouldn’t be something this sweet, fru-fru, and PINK!  Gads!  Nobody should drink pink booze.

I have to go now.  Bye!

16 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “Santa and Snakes…Gads!

  1. There wass always the Pink Gin I met up with in the army. LOL
    Thank you for a wonderful party. We had a ball. Hugs to you and your award. Your new board member was astounded by it all.

    • poolagirl

      Pink gin? That sounds horrendous! I need to thank you for the wonderful party. Without that kind of support there wouldn’t be a museum.

  2. You know, I keep forgetting to mention that in most of the screaming-child pictures, Santa looks close to losing it, himself. Maybe HE needs the pink hooch.

  3. Valerie

    These Santa photos are hilarious! Keep them coming!!

  4. goatbarnwitch

    The whole flavored booze thing is weird. If you are going to consume 80 proof booze you should not sugar coat it. You can avoid a lot of embarrassment and puke that way…. ya know

  5. Patty O'

    No self-respecting vodka should be PINK!

  6. I was once invited to a wedding shower where the gifts were to be “consumables.” I assumed that was because the couple had been living together for some time and had what they needed for their home. A lot of people gave them wine. (I gave them a “Miss Manners” book on modern wedding etiquette — not for advice as much as for entertainment.)

  7. Looks like some of the kids in those photos coulda used some pink booze. Maybe the snake, too. I’m lovin’ the pictures, though!

  8. bholles

    That pink stuff looks terrible.

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