Report From London, Phase One

Captain’s Log   5,689

I am here!  I am in Canada!  It took an entire day to get here, but it was so well worth the efforts.  I was not impressed with Frontier Airlines.  I was looking forward to settling in with some tomato juice and pretzels, but NOOOOOO!  Frontier doesn’t serve juice or pretzels.  If you want something to drink, it will cost you $2 for a soda!  Outrageous!  My flight was moved to 6:25 AM (from 10:00).  When I got to Denver, my connecting flight was not on the departure board.  I eventually found it.

You get what you pay for.  I got a cramped seat with a broken barf bag holder thing.  They don’t even have an in-flight magazine.  Not even Sky Mall!  You can’t even get a free glass of water on the damn plane!  And then they kept trying to get me to sign up for a MasterCard and fly to Cabo San Lucas.  Never again.  I will not book with this airline again.

But all the discomfort was forgotten when I spotted Kelly at the baggage claim.  Amy was out by the curb waiting with the car.  I was hugged and kissed and twirled around with great joy.  I was given the queen’s seat in the car and off we went to Canada.  We stopped at Tim Horton’s for a quick coffee.  I was befuddled.  I had no idea what Kelly was saying when she ordered a double double.  Double double what?  It means two creams and two sugars.  I wonder what you call it if you can two creams and five sugars?  Is that a Double Cinco?  It was hilarious.  And the coffee was delicious.  And so was the strawberry muffin.

nun 1

Coffee and sweets (and a muffin too)

I tried on some helmets.  It was narrowed to two.  The full-face helmet was a bit tight on my enormous head.  I felt like an astronaut.  

nun 3

Kelly and Amy lead the charge.  I was trying to hide in the back.  Do we have lift-off?

I settled on a helmet that makes me look like a highway patrol officer.  And yes, that is a ceramic nun in my hand.  I get to keep her!  When you look at her for real in the photos below, it will be interesting to get her through TSA on my return trip.  Since she is ceramic, she needs to go into my carry-on bag.  I am already nervous.

nun 2

Pull over, keep your hands in sight, and don’t make fun of my nun!

nun front

Sister Mary Wank helps me brush my teeth.  She is most effective when she is praying.  Or is she?  

nun back

Sister Mary Wank shows off her backside.  Um…ahem….she is a well-rounded girl with lots of skills.

So yes, I am having huge fun!  The dogs are fabulous.  Little Rocky came into my room this morning and attempted to perform CPR.  He wanted me up to play.

It’s raining here.  Thunder booming too.  I love it.  This is heaven.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

24 responses to “Report From London, Phase One

  1. I mean soul, NOT SOIL!!

  2. I now have a dark spot on my milk-bottle soil from looking at that nun!

  3. Joanie Benson

    I don’t know what’s cooler…your awsome helmet or the equally as awsome Nun/Penis.

  4. susanna

    I bet you wish you had that little item to pass around in catechism when you were a kid. Scandalous, absolutely scandalous.
    Wow, thunder, what’s that? It all sounds divine.

  5. mommerry

    A coincidence. My daughter and her family arrived in London, Ont. today, too. Attending the funeral of Camile DeMarco. If you run out of things to do, you would probably be welcome to come to a free funeral dinner. Don’t know if they serve Boever TAils?? There.

  6. maryz

    We love Tim Horton’s, too. It’d be fun to take pictures when you take the nun through security – but then they’d really throw you under the jail. You could put her(him?) in some socks in a shoe in your checked luggage. That’d keep him(her?) safe.

  7. Valerie

    Ahhhh! If you REALLY want a Canadian treat – get a Beaver Tail! Yummy!

  8. jo

    nice to have relatives you really enjoy

  9. You’re all set; you tell the TSA, “if you disrespect my religion, I will report you.” You don’t even have to specify the religion. They won’t think twice about it, because you don’t look dangerous. (Little do they know. 8) )

  10. Patty O'Reilly

    Motorcycle helmets and questionable ceramic nuns. Yes, indeed, the TSA may want to take a hammer to her to see what might be inside… Hilarious!

  11. Penny Tushingham

    Tim Horton’s is super famous in Canada. I remember my sister in law saying she loved going back to Canada just to go to Tim Hortons! Love the nun. Yes, that should create some interesting conversation at the airport security. Have a fabulous time!

    Pen Pen

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