No Habla Starbuks

Captain’s Log   5,664

Just two quick things.  I want to thank my friend, Pandora, for giving me this great t-shirt last night.  She is also a throwback to the hippie days of peace and justice.  She understands social causes and will do whatever it takes to make things right.  I was yammering on and on the other day about how disgusted I am with Starbucks for encouraging gun owners to bring their weapons into the store.  When I met Pandora last night for an early dinner at a lovely vegetarian restaurant (one I had no heard of – surprise surprise), she handed me this.

ho habla starbucks

I absolutely love this!

The other night I got to use my Iowa skills and explain to my writing pal, Sally, that corn crops are carefully bred to create hybrids, etc.  I explained that the tassels of the corn are the boy bits of the corn.  Corn penises.  She was amazed.  I told her I spent a summer de-tasseling or “neutering” corn so a specific pollen from different plants would “impregnate” the plant to create something new.  Each piece of the tassel becomes the conduit for each kernel of corn on the cob.  The “strings” on the corn that you take off before you cook it are actually little tubes for corn “semen.”  Now if that doesn’t want to make you rush out and roast a few ears, I don’t know what will.  Hey!  Raspberry flavoring is made from the anal glands of beavers!  That is a LOT worse than dealing with corn semen tubes!  If you don’t believe me about the anal gland thing, it’s true.  Just Google “raspberry flavoring beaver anus” and you will find it.  I wrote about right here on this site too.

Anyway….sometimes hybridization goes awry.  Bad things happen.  The corn becomes a mutant.


Probably not a good idea to continue this experiment

More farming culture stories tomorrow.  I might just write about an age-old method of castrating sheep.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

22 responses to “No Habla Starbuks

  1. I feel like such a dork. Now I have a wordpress blog, but I am totally lost. Grrrr…..

  2. Corn doesn’t look phallic enough without you telling me what’s up with the silk? Really?

  3. poundheadhere

    The mutant corn isn’t such a big deal – the ear split into more than one head. It’s still corn, still edible: you just get extra corn per ear, lol.

  4. And what is the wonderful new foodie place and when are we going.

  5. Patty O'Reilly

    Yo no hablo Starbuks tambien! I went off Starbucks when as a decaffeinated person I learned that they actually AUGMENT their caffeine levels, and that their DECAF is not truly DECAF but contains the lowest LEGAL level of caffeine allowed. To me that violated the trust of their customers who were depending upon it to BE true decaf, whether it was for religious, health, or ethical reasons. Finally, their pricing. Since when is the buying public foolish enough to pay a fortune for a cup of coffee? I don’t care how fancy it is, I WON’T pay their prices. Besides, they’re not paying for the coffee now; they’re paying for the FIX from the boosted caffeine! No thank you!

  6. Most people don’t realize it’s reciporical: beaver anus flavoring is derived from raspberries.

  7. Valerie

    I just loved the response I received from Starbucks to my e-mail:

    Hello Valerie,
    Thank you for contacting Starbucks.

    Thank you for your feedback regarding Starbucks’ policy on open carry laws.

    At Starbucks, we deeply respect the views of our customers and recognize that there is significant and genuine passion surrounding the issue of open carry weapons laws. We comply with local laws and statutes in the communities we serve. Our long-standing approach to this issue remains unchanged and we abide by the laws that permit open carry in 43 U.S. states. Where these laws don’t exist, openly carrying weapons in our stores is prohibited.

    As the public debate around this issue continues, we encourage customers and advocacy groups from both sides to share their input with their public officials. We are extremely sensitive to the issue of gun violence in our society and believe that supporting local laws is the right way for us to ensure a safe environment for both partners and customers.

    Thanks again for writing us. If you ever have any questions or concerns in the future, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

    We would love to hear your feedback. Click here to take a short survey.


    Anthony S

    customer service

  8. The genetics of plants is far more interesting than that of animals, partly because, as my botany professor pointed out, you can reproduce plants from cuttings, resulting in two plants with the same DNA. (DNA was not even mentioned in our biology classes back then. 8) )

    Not much of a comment, but I need to re-sign into every site I see, because my computer got “updated” last night.

  9. joanie

    Note to self: Never eat corn on the cob again. Not because of the corn semen but because of the photo of the mutant corn. Yuck!

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