Did I Shit Myself?

Captain’s Log   5,625

There is some significant fallout from the actions taken by the White Hat Guys the other day.  Some folks have their knickers quite knotted over this, and I have received several phone calls that included someone screaming into the phone.  Words like “pathetic” and “loser” are being used a liberally as garlic in Italian cooking.  I knew it would be bad, but nobody anticipated it would be THIS bad.  I have been subjected to tirades now for about 90 minutes over the last two days.


Amazing what pours forth from the mouths of people who claim to love you.  Amazing.  And I wasn’t even involved in the decision to make these changes.  I merely said I would walk away rather than tolerate collusion or serious ethical complications that would compromise my own credibility.  Nothing wrong with that.  But because cowards have no BALLS to face the true objects of their anger, they pick on the one who remains calm in a sea of discord.  I know it’s all misplaced anger.  Projection.  All that pysch mumbo jumbo stuff.  I know that.  It still doesn’t make it right, but it provides a way for me to float above this nonsense.   I am going to Google images for “floating above nonsense” and post something.


And there you have it.  A woodcut of an sheep with enormous eyes.  That’s exactly what I was thinking!  Hilarious!

I intend to spend the rest of the day floating above nonsense.   I got up early and realized I had smeared some chocolate into my new sofa cushions.  At first glance, I thought an errant thief had come in during the night and smeared poo all over the place.  Then I realized that I myself had slept on that sofa all night to beat the heat.  If the offending matter was indeed poo………then I was to blame.  A quick check of my personal environs proved that it was not my poo, and for that I was quite thankful.  I really hate having to make determinations like that, for I don’t really know what I would have done if that had been my poo.  I might have wept.

I got the little steamer machine thing out of the garage and set to work on the poo-like chocolate stains.  I am pleased to report that nothing remains.  Nary a trace of anything remotely resembling poo.

Note to self.  Don’t eat chocolate ice cream bars when it’s that hot because the chocolate falls off and you might miss a piece that slides off and you might fall asleep and accidentally rub it into the cushions and then wake up in the morning and assume that you have shit yourself.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

20 responses to “Did I Shit Myself?

  1. joanie

    Nasty People. Why can’t they just go away?
    Hilarious chocolate/poo story. When you made all those suggestions to yourself as you were cleaning up the mess, do you say them out loud to yourself? I can just see you walking into the living room and going “OH MY GOD! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS??? DID I ACTUALLY POOP IN MY OWN PANTS??? And then you would start laughing because you realized that you were talking to yourself. Remind me next time I see you to tell you a funny story about a similar situation.

  2. These people are full of chocolate.

  3. You can record if they leave a voice mail!! I am shocked that one employee would call another at home and maliciously voice their opinion. Are they crazy???!!

  4. Patty O'

    I am so sorry you are on the receiving end of all that dismay and bad behavior. Boo and Hiss. As for the other tale; laughed out loud. You are a HOOT and I really needed some humor after slogging on inventory today. Keep up the good work…and the good writing!

  5. Penny Tushingham

    Maybe you should suggest the next time they call harassing you that they can look forward to a restraining order against them. That should really piss them off!

    Pen Pen

  6. Valerie

    I have no idea what is going on with your work situation and what the problem is. Sure sounds interesting, to say the least
    – but good for you for staying above the fray. The second half of your blog?—-hysterical!

  7. I might suggest recording these tirades just in case. Always CYA. And we thought they might go quietly. LOL

    Lots of love giving hugs from here……….

  8. I looked at those big eyes and thought, “none so blind as those who will not see.” Do you think they might be embarrassed enough to leave the party?

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