How Old You Be, Anyway?

Captain’s Log   5,596

The funniest thing EVER!  The bird is really singing along!  It made my morning.


Three glorious days off!  I am stoked!  Not that I am going to do a tremendous amount of things……but being home and away from the Dunce Squad is all I need.  Yay for the singing bird!

I just found out that my nemesis who works so hard to hide her actual date of birth and desperately tries to cling to youth by applying make-up with a trowel is……in fact…..OLDER THAN ME!  Ha Ha Ha!  Busted!  So busted!  I am gleefully leaping about doing the I Figured Out How Old You Are dance.  Neener neener neener!  Let me tell you, it was an exciting Friday night here at Casa de Poolie.  

Google is amazing.  It took me all of two minutes to put the right combination of search words together and I found what I was looking for.  As my friend Tony would say……that is HEE-LAY’-REE-USS!  I don’t really live a very thrilling life, so uncovering the year someone graduated from high school puts more of my battle into perspective.  Knowing that all the statements that end with “That was before my time” are totally bogus.  Just like most everything about my nemesis.  Bogus bogus.  Phoney baloney.

MethuselahSculptureHello, Methuselah!

tree rings

Hello, ancient tree rings!

I have no problem with aging.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am doing a fine job of it myself.  I DO have a problem with people who lie about it.  I am 61 years old and that’s a fact.  I don’t try to look like I am 30.  I don’t pretend that I am too young to remember the Kennedy assassination.  I DO, however, sometimes act like I am 12, but that comes naturally.  Some call it a character flaw.  I call it…..whimsy.  Whatever.

So yes, the mean side of me is thrilled to have this information.  I am waiting for the exact moment to slip what I know into casual conversation.  Maybe I can say something like…….”Surely you must remember the moon landing and Vietnam.  You graduated from high school in 1969, didn’t you?  A year before me.  I was still in high school when Kent State happened.  Where did you go for your freshman year?  We are ALMOST the same age!  Isn’t that exciting?  I zoomed through college in three years, so both of us must have graduated in 1973!  I got a double major.  How many do you have?”

I’m not sure if those statements could pass as spontaneous, but it sure would be funny.  Ace up the sleeve.  Trump card.  Now that I know I have it (and that this card is SO very important to my nemesis), I will keep it close and use it wisely.  I will only use it with enough witnesses present.  The effect will be WAY to good to keep to myself.

I feel mean.  I don’t care.  Sometimes, ignoring a bully is not enough.  Sometimes, you gotta Google and get something good – stick it away for safekeeping and bring it out when the moment is ripe.

liar pants


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

18 responses to “How Old You Be, Anyway?

  1. Patti

    Hey Poolie! I just turned 57 yesterday and there’s no lying about that! If I were going to lie about my age I’d do it the other way around. I wouldn’t claim to be 39 or anything like that because I make a lousy looking young person. If I’m gonna lie about my age I’d tell people I’m 78 or something like that. This way people are astounded by how GREAT I look for my age! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  2. At age 61 you’re in your prime! 61 is a prime number!

  3. Edie

    Check Mate!!!!!

  4. Knowledge is the best kind of revenge!

  5. Just ask her if she has started getting Social Security since you can start it when you are 62 years old.

  6. Valerie

    You could always say, “You know, (Name), you’re lucky that you’re 62 already and you can get the senior pass to get into the National Parks for free. I can’t wait until I qualify for the pass.”

  7. Those birds will learn to imitate anything. A woman I knew had one who would repeat what she said, but it also made a clicking noise she didn’t recognize…until she realized he did it when she and her husband got home in the evening, and made some cocktails. The click was the sound of ice in the shaker. (I just realized, they were cockatoo-tails.)

    Too bad you don’t have a bird who can say, I know how old you are. 8)

  8. Patty O'

    Unless…the nemesis was a Wunderkind who graduated at the age of 10, you’ve got her! Delicious moment. But yes, use it wisely; save it for an opportunity of maximum exposure. Yummy moment…the fulfillment of “Don’t get mad; get even!”

  9. I’m glad you’re on my side.

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