Captain’s Log 5,531
My knight in shining armor turned out to be as big a wussie as the rest of them. Laying my heart on the line did absolutely no good. I was told in no uncertain terms that my concerns are invalid and the poison that has been permeating the place for the last several years will be allowed to continue. My warning of very real impending lawsuits went unheeded. Fear is such a strong motivator. It keeps people from being rational and doing the right thing.
Susan B. Anthony once said……Failure is impossible. I puzzled over this and struggled with my own imperfections, weaknesses, and responsibilities for this disaster. The more I examined my heart, the more I became aware of all the miracles that were orchestrated under my tutelage (neener). I did a great thing. I did a wonderful thing. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes as well, but they were turned into learning opportunities for future success. So maybe turning the page for a new chapter isn’t so bad after all. I intend to go out at the top of my game, not when I am weak and beaten into nothingness.
Letting go of anything is hard. I realize that I am grieving right now. I am lamenting the loss of freedom that allowed things to grow and flourish. I am lamenting the good times when it was fun and exciting. I am also in denial that people could have allowed this to happen. I am in denial that people would actually try to box people up like a factory-processed pieces that fit the mold of all other factory-processed pieces. One size fits all management.
I have never fit the mold. Never fit into the box. Trying to box me now is like trying to tame a wild horse that has been running free its entire life. The horse can be captured but it can never be tamed to submit. The horse will make every effort to break free and take all the other willing horses with it. Those horses too afraid will huddle in the barn and wait for order and consistency to return. I am surrounded by barn huddlers. I am not saying these things to make myself important or boast about myself – it is the simple and plain truth. The gate has always been open. I have nothing to fear.