Get Thee Behind Me, Fear Monster!

Captain’s Log  5,531

My knight in shining armor turned out to be as big a wussie as the rest of them.  Laying my heart on the line did absolutely no good.  I was told in no uncertain terms that my concerns are invalid and the poison that has been permeating the place for the last several years will be allowed to continue.  My warning of very real impending lawsuits went unheeded.  Fear is such a strong motivator.  It keeps people from being rational and doing the right thing.

fear-monster

Susan B. Anthony once said……Failure is impossible.  I puzzled over this and struggled with my own imperfections, weaknesses, and responsibilities for this disaster.  The more I examined my heart, the more I became aware of all the miracles that were orchestrated under my tutelage (neener).  I did a great thing.  I did a wonderful thing.  Yes, I made a lot of mistakes as well, but they were turned into learning opportunities for future success.  So maybe turning the page for a new chapter isn’t so bad after all.  I intend to go out at the top of my game, not when I am weak and beaten into nothingness.

Letting go of anything is hard.  I realize that I am grieving right now.  I am lamenting the loss of freedom that allowed things to grow and flourish.  I am lamenting the good times when it was fun and exciting.  I am also in denial that people could have allowed this to happen.  I am in denial that people would actually try to box people up like a factory-processed pieces that fit the mold of all other factory-processed pieces.  One size fits all management.  

I have never fit the mold.  Never fit into the box.  Trying to box me now is like trying to tame a wild horse that has been running free its entire life.  The horse can be captured but it can never be tamed to submit.  The horse will make every effort to break free and take all the other willing horses with it.  Those horses too afraid will huddle in the barn and wait for order and consistency to return.  I am surrounded by barn huddlers.  I am not saying these things to make myself important or boast about myself – it is the simple and plain truth.   The gate has always been open.  I have nothing to fear.

19 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

19 responses to “Get Thee Behind Me, Fear Monster!

  1. Every day I go to a job that I love except for one thing…there are people working there who make life difficult for others. And it seems there is nothing that can be done to fire them, as long as they make it to work on time. They are so painful to work with! I’m thinking about hiring people to slow down their arrival to work. Somebody to block their cars in or steal their clothes in the middle of the night! ;o)

  2. You’ve done all you can; and that old adage about leading a horse to water is still true. If they shrivel up and die after you walk away, they have no one to blame but themselves.

    On the other hand, you are without limits. You can do whatever you want to do and make your life whatever you want it to be. When you do, it will be a treasure for not only you, but all the people for whom you bring joy.

  3. Patty O'

    Disappointent stories abound. I once worked for a company I loved, but there was NO opportunity for advancement. Bye bye. I also worked for a company where the boss was an unethical liar. That is the WORST. Ultimately I went into business for myself. I worked harder than I ever had and I almost starved, but I was FREE..and I was HAPPY…and my children were proud of me! I earned respect in my community. Walking your own path is such a great gift. Stand tall and stride long, my friend! Spread those wings!

  4. Penny Tushingham

    Let the sun shine everyday, let the rosé pedals bloom, let the birds sing their songs and let this happiness and peace fill your heart. Life is too short to worry or concern yourself with others negativity.

    It’s time for you to shine in a whole new light with only good people surrounding your heart!

    Go for it girl!

    Pen pen

  5. maryz

    You’re a strong gal, and you know how to take control. As I’ve said before…Go Girl!

  6. jo

    Nonrofit theater/Jewish family center -see if its something you would like

  7. When I lost my last permanent job, I told the head of the company that I would miss it, but I would be missing not what was, but what might have been. Somewhere along the line, our goals had diverged, and I was not unhappy to get away. Sure, it would have been nice to find a similar job — or at least one that paid as much.

    But I’ll go back to my mantra: nothing you ever learn is wasted.

  8. Hear, Hear! I do know what you mean. My job wasn’t on the level of responsibility that yours has been but I, too, tried to make upper management see what was going on. I knew it wasn’t just in my little world but in many of the other insurance claim offices around the country. But they just pooh-poohed it and patted me on my little female head and dismissed my concerns. It IS hard to give up on something you believe in so wholeheartedly and even harder to feel that those people dismiss you with no regard…. But karma does come around and you can always say you tried….you tried more than once and they will have to wait for the day of reckoning…….
    Stop beating yourself up….you have given them as much as you could and they still didn’t see the light. But they will…..
    As for you, there is a big world out there and I know you will spread your wings and fly……or gallop ~ whatever the case may be.

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