Too Cute to Kill? Ask a Viking!

Captain’s Log  5,513

Oh, I must say I have now entered the modern age with a DVR.  I managed to figure out how to record things (after the cable guy said it was all “intuitive” and nobody needs a manual).  So, the first series I am recording is the History Channel’s Vikings.  It’s sloppy and violent and probably 1000% inaccurate, but I don’t care.  I am having fun with it.  Yes, it is disturbing and sometimes vile, but every time I see a depiction of life during the 7th & 8th centuries, I am amazed that the human race survived.  It’s fun to see enormous hulking Norsemen clad in fur with the sole intention of conquering everything in sight.  The same is true today in Washington.  Politicians with enormous egos clad in Armani suits with the sole intention of conquering everything in sight.


Vikings enjoy the rain before a good pillage of a village

One of the Viking leaders is not merely bloodthirsty.  He also has a keen interest in learning new things and therefore come up with a crazy idea to sail west (never done before by Vikings).  That must have been an interesting combo back then.  I would think the social norms would have been cut and dried.  You were a bloodthirsty savage or you were probably dead.  I’m not sure the Vikings were too keen on intellectual pursuits.  They certainly spent a lot of time  pleasing the gods and then running amok when Thor swung his big-ass hammer.  And that whole rune thing must have really been open to interpretation – which must have caused a lot of tribal wars and really hard feelings among neighbors.  Since they didn’t have a true written language, it was hard for them to leave notes explaining the nuances of their decisions to do things…….like borrowing an adze without permission or accidentally stepping on someone’s buttercups.

Last night’s episode was when they landed in England and destroyed a monastery and killed way too many monks who were huddling in some sort of barn.  That made no sense to me.  Why on earth would you just kill huddling monks when they posed absolutely no threat to you?   I will probably never understand that since I am not a hulking Norseman in fur out there looking for treasure.

And, like all good stories, there is some sort of nut job in the cast who is skinny and semi-demented.  Kind of like Gollum.  These weirdos always border on genius and are severely misunderstood.  They almost always die.  I am expecting the demented little shipbuilder who paints his eyes black to die sooner or later.


This is Floki.  With a name like that, he is destined to die in the show.  He’s also way too tiny to be a real Viking.

And why do the heroic ones always have gorgeous white teeth and everybody else looks like they have been sucking on bark for a month?

In spite of it all, I sat there eating dinner last night – avidly watching the Vikings as they sailed across the sea navigating with some sort of floaty thing in a bucket of water.  Impressive.  

They have taken a young monk hostage because he can speak their language.  He is in the longboat with them heading back to Viking Land.  My guess is he will become some sort of respected person in the community because he has seen the world and has a gift for languages.  I could be wrong, but I think he is too cute to kill.  Not like Floki.


Cute monk with tonsure


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

19 responses to “Too Cute to Kill? Ask a Viking!

  1. I’ve recorded both episodes but not watched yet. Good to know it’s worth a look!

  2. Charlotte Bolinger

    I loved your review of the Vikings, especially the part about them being like our reps and senators in Washington. I think you could make a good living writing humorous reviews like that.

  3. I was just thinking that I need to learn how to run ours.

  4. Actually, Poolie… is Loki (god of mischievousness). I started the Vikings series…at first I was ANNOYED that it was a melodrama. Now I’m hooked. Dammit. LOL

  5. It’s the same old thing — men always think they need more space. What fun to watch them do it another way. (According to one teacher I had, Columbus’ men weren’t afraid they would fall off the earth; they just thought he was sailing too far south to hit the land the Vikings had found.)

  6. Patty O'Reilly

    Loved your review. You should investigate the old Icelandic Eddas and Norse Sagas and then you can tell us how accurate the program is. I have a Danish friend whose younger son has become a ship’s captain – a graduate of the Royal Danish Maritime Academy with years of experience as a first mate before being promoted to Captain. But it is good to know that the Vikings still go down to the sea in ships.

  7. That sounds like a great series….Now that you are DVR-savvy…I expect you will find all sorts of things to record and ponder.
    And I can’t wait to hear about the departure of Captain Poolie from the Den of Horrors….
    ….for yonder lies a new world….

  8. bholles

    Glad you figured out your DVR.

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