Ellen Brings Christian and Ana to Life

Captain’s Log   4,563

Okay.  I am on a roll.  I am so sorry, but I simply must get this out of my system.

Here is a clip of Ellen Degeneres reading from Fifty Shades of Grey.  Complete with sound effects.  Radio theatre.  War of the Worlds…..only different.

If you can watch THIS one without laughing, I will buy you a cookie.

Maybe I should get the books back from my sister and try to read them myself…..in the bathroom.  A quasi-interview with E.L. James and her twisted view of what women like.  Think so?  Think I could do it?  Any gamblers in the crowd?


My favorite spam that arrived in the filter yesterday.  WordPress has an excellent filter, by the way.  No need to decipher weird words and type them into a dialogue box.  But I digress……

 Is it only me or does it give the impression like a few of the remarks look like written by brain dead individuals?

Guess the spammer doesn’t like your comments.  LOL!


I was detained at a Starbucks last night for allegedly “stealing” a bag of coffee.  Now, mind you, I did not steal a bag of coffee.  I went into Fourbucks to work on the script before the read-through last night, and I noticed three big bags of used coffee grounds near their recycle bins.  They capture the grounds and people can just take them and use them in gardens for natural fertilizer.  I grabbed a bag (and was amazed that it weighed so much) and scooted it over next to my table.

A woman watched me do this and kept glancing at me furtively.  Like in a spy novel.  She casually got up and whispered to the clerk.  The clerk did not have a clear view of me, so he came around and approached me and asked me if I planned to pay for the coffee.  I had already paid for the coffee in the cup in front of me (you pay before you receive), so I was confused.  Then I looked down and kicked the used coffee grounds forward for the clerk to see.

“This coffee?”  I asked sweetly.  I can be really sweet when the mood strikes.

The clerk was horrified and apologized for the error.  The woman who “reported” me was ready to crawl into the sewer and live out the rest of her life there.  I thought it was funny – and once again pondered why these things always seem to happen to me.  Maybe it’s because I like to write about stuff like this.  But then again, these things have been happening WAY longer than I have been writing them down.  Maybe I am a comic magnet.  LOL!

coffee grounds

Enormous and heavy bag of wet coffee grounds.  I had to move the bag slowly because it didn’t fit into my purse.  I need to steal smaller things.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “Ellen Brings Christian and Ana to Life

  1. ruffinbt

    Maybe you looked nutty enough to steal a huge bag of coffee and sit in the store with it.

  2. That’s hysterical. And so is Ellen, lol.

  3. Joanie Benson

    Really? Free coffee grounds at Starbucks? Their coffee is so strong you could probably actually use them again and make a perfect pot of coffee. lol
    Ellen is hilarious and not quite as annoying as Gottfried.

  4. Patty O'Reilly

    Oh, Paula! Somebody should follow you around with a Candid Camera!

  5. I don’t know how you do it……..but I agree with TER ~ at least the woman was watching something she thought was suspicious….and the clerk handled it well. And you got something else to post about….!

    50 LBS OF USED WET COFFEE GROUNDS as read by Poolie…

  6. Ter

    In a way, good for that woman for letting the clerk know she saw something suspicious… but at the same time, get your facts straight before you tattle!

  7. Ellen is so funny. You need to stay out of trouble.

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