White Elephant Success – With Dick

Captain’s Log  4,547

The party was amazing fun!  The food was sensational!  The highlight of the food table was the “deconstructed cannolis.”  You make a “dip” out of cannoli filling and scoop it up with some sort of cookie or sweet chip.  Oh dear!  I did not get a photo of it, but imagine something like this (only with pistachios too).  Hit of the night.


Cannoli dip.  Some people call it heaven on a cookie.

There is a really funny lady who comes to the party every year.  After all the presents were opened, we decided to “cook” the spotted dick because we were truly curious.  After reading all the warnings on the can about opening it with a towel covering the can – to boiling the can in water for 35 minutes – to sliding knives around the sides – we just decided to open the damn thing and cook it in the microwave.

It came out looking like dog food.  It tasted like dog food mixed with molasses.  Now, bear in mind, I have never actually eaten dog food mixed with molasses, but I can use my imagination.

dick plate

Dog food infused with molasses.  It was dry and kind of smelly.  At least I thought it was smelly until I realized someone was standing behind me with a Kielbasa and THAT was making the smell.  What a phallic evening.  Kielbasa….spotted dick…..

Mickey posed with a big bite of dick.  Scofflaw Mickey just forged ahead and cooked that dick.

eating the dick

Yummmmmm………tasty!  Not!  (Big Sister Mia is reflected in the microwave glass – just in case she says she wasn’t participating in the fun).  The clarion call was “Dick ready to eat in the kitchen!”

The enormous women’s underpants with fake pubic hair sewn into the crotch returned this year.  As did the gold-encrusted Kleenex box that looks like it belongs in the Palace of Versailles.   We also had canned farts, a shell “sculpture” from Mazatlan, a cookie jar in the shape of a large red purse, a scary cheese knife from Alaska, ersatz twinkies from Walmart, and……the prize Mia took home.

drama queen

Mia is SOOOO not into drama!  I can think of a few people who should receive this gift, however.  Either way, it is pretty hilarious!

So yes, it was the usual night of naughty presents and lots of laughing.  Gets me in the mood for this holiday every year.  Love all the guys and gals who show up to make it work.  


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “White Elephant Success – With Dick

  1. I imagine when you visit Amsterdam; you can find something suitable for the next gift exchange ….LOL

  2. Sounds like a blast. We wouldn’t be able to exchange a lot of those at a work party, but I think next year we might shoot for something similar with family and friends.

  3. You really, REALLY need to get laid. I know 14 year old boys who are less obsessed with sexual innuendo than you. (Hehe…”in you end-o”…heh…)

  4. Just sounds like heaven. So glad you survived. And, what did you bring home?

  5. Patty O'Reilly

    Deconstructed cannoli concept: brilliant
    Big Red Purse cookie jar: WANT
    Spotted Dick: No thank you. Jeez…

  6. maryz

    Sounds like a great time was had by all!

  7. The local Big Lots store sells, oddly, framed pictures of shoes. I don’t get it… but I guess people buy that? I figure it’s in the same vein as that pocketbook cookie jar.

  8. It was a very fun night. Great bunch of people.

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