Stinkin’ Press Passes

Captain’s Log  4,522

I fully intend to make every waking moment an adventure.  At least that was my goal yesterday, and I was not disappointed.  Freak Tuesday brings out the crazy people in droves, and yesterday’s “offering” was fantastic!  I got called down to the floor because some wacky woman was moving all the narrative stands around on the exhibit floor.  Frankly, she was so weird that I think the staff in the area were actually afraid of her.  So….Momma Poolie had to handle it.  

I approached and politely asked her to stop moving the stands.  She glared and me and said, “I only want to take a portrait quality photo!”  I then informed her if that was her goal, she needed to make an appointment with the museum so someone could assist her with moving things like narrative stands and stanchions, etc.  She snorted!  Like some brackish porcine thing!  In my general direction!  

And then she said the words that ALWAYS make me see red.  

I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW………………..

Yup.  Those four words set the stage for me to zap into Ninja mode.  I could not WAIT to hear what was coming next!

I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW……that I am registered nurse in the state of California!  I have LIVES in my hands every day!  I certainly think I am CAPABLE of moving a narrative stand!

I smiled at the registered nurse in the stand of California who has lives in her hands every day and tried again to explain WHY we don’t want people moving our stuff around.  It is not that she CANNOT move them, it is a matter of SHOULD NOT move them.

There was more derisive snorting on her part.  Since it is my duty to remain professional at all times, I stood in the line of snorting fire and tried to keep a decent look on my face.  The whole time my mind was taking me somewhere else.  Somewhere like the back yard behind the museum where I could flog her with palm fronds.

I then explained that Free Tuesdays are not the time to come to the museum to take portrait quality photos.  There are simply too many people in the way.  I also explained that for me to assign someone to assist her with photos of that nature, I needed to see a business card or a press pass – something that would attest to her need for that kind of special treatment.

I added fuel to the palm fronds with that remark.

SHE DIDN’T NEED NO STINKIN’ PRESS PASS!

Then I decided to count my blessings.  If she was indeed a registered nurse in the state of California with lives in her hands everyday, I considered myself fortunate that she was not on duty at a local hospital ER  – – –  and that I was not being whisked there by ambulance after driving my car over a cliff and crashing onto the rocks below.  Looking up and seeing her standing over me with some sort of scary medical tool in her hand.  

I was VERY grateful I was standing there on my own two feet listening to a crazy woman snort at me.  And Zen washed over me like that first delicious sip of warm cocoa on a cold winter’s night.  (Trying to find a parallel perspective here).  I just stared at her, handed her my business card, and asked her to make an appointment if she wanted to discuss this further.  End of discussion.

You just can’t be nice to some people.  They will run amok and move your narrative stands.

I tried to make the day of experience carry through into the evening, and I was not disappointed.  I made a trip to the local Smart & Final (also called Fart & Smile by those of us attached to middle school humor).  As I was cruising around looking for party supplies, I ran into this.

25 pounds of carrots for just $5.99

Wow!  That’s a bargain at twice the price!  I looked closer and realized these are juice carrots.  What the hell is the difference between eating carrots and juice carrots?  I just Googled it.  One explanation is that juicing carrots are older and more bitter.  I still don’t get it.  Why would you want to make carrot juice that tastes old and bitter?  Why wouldn’t you want your carrot juice to taste sweet and fresh?  I think the whole idea of juice carrots is stupid.  Carrots is carrots.  When my carrots get old and bitter, I throw them out.  Sometimes, the dogs like to chew on them for a bit.

I also did that math.  25 pounds of carrots makes 25 glasses of carrot juice.  How long would it take to drink 25 glasses of   carrot juice?  Holy crap!  For me, that would last a very long time.  I can’t even remember the last time I had carrot juice.  Maybe…..six years ago?

Since this whole carrot juice thing isn’t even on my radar, I don’t know why I found that enormous bag of carrots so funny.  I don’t CARE about juicing carrots or the amount of juice it makes.  I don’t even have a juicer!  I used to have one of those old-fashioned juicing machines that I never used.  It weighed about 20 pounds and took up a ton of counter space.  So I gave it away to someone who thought he had found nirvana when he saw it there looking forlorn and unloved.

Another day.  It’s amazing how that happens.

22 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

22 responses to “Stinkin’ Press Passes

  1. George

    Badges, We don’t need no stinkin badges!

  2. Doesn’t California require fingerprinting for a press pass? (Arizona used to but doesn’t even issue them any more!) Maybe this person thought the requirement was fingerPAINTING and she missed out. Glad to hear you handled it with your typical aplomb

  3. Joanie Benson

    Can’t imagine what anyone would do with 25 lbs of carrots, besides what Terri said about the horses. Juice? If I wanted carrot juice that bad I’d just buy a botle of it, wouldn’t you? Not that I’ve ever actually wanted carrot juice.

  4. jane

    How did she know they were called narrative stands?

  5. We think you are wonderful….snort, and you deserve a medal. Clap, clap, clap. Think of you every day this week while wearing a Eat and read sort of T shirt. I like tender young carrots myself. Geee….

  6. annanotbob

    Carrot and corainder soup is yummy, but probably too much of a winter warmer for CA. You are a hero, dealing with rude people all day. I salute you! Good job, Capn Poolie. x

  7. Patty O'Reilly

    Oh yes. In my shop I had “regulars”, folks who would drop in every now and then and sare their schizophrenia. One favorite was Debbie, who would bring me a bus transfer and present it as a coupon. I would pull something out of my brain – 1 yard of blue ribbon, 2 spare envelopes, 2 large sheets of tissue paper…some small thing I could easily grab. I would take her “coupon”, hand her her prize in a small paper bag, and she would leave happy. But she never showed me her press pass…

  8. I guess if you had a herd of horses, you might want to buy those carrots….
    As for Nurse Jerkie…..wonder what hospital she works for…if she ever did!

  9. jett

    Love your perspective on everyday things. Makes me smile 🙂

  10. I’ll have you know….. that you are amazing!

  11. Those carrots might make decent soup; you add salt and a bit of vinegar to offset the bitter taste. I don’t know from juice carrots. Very young whole carrots (as opposed to the ones machined from older carrots) are “noshing carrots.”

    Or you might save those bitter one for the smart-ass who wants to “have you know.”

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