Funny Thing For Our Lost & Found?

Captain’s Log    4,521

Now that the tickets to Amsterdam are booked, I can breathe a little bit better.  I was getting concerned.  The ticket prices are almost $150 higher than they were two months ago.  So we jumped in.  The price may go down again, but my peace of mind is all that matters.  We upgraded our seats too for more leg room.  Splitting up the trip made sense too.  My original plan was to leave San Diego at 6:15 AM, arrive in Chicago for a 5 hour lay-over, and then fly all night with my Chicago friend to Amsterdam.  That would have been a truly hellish amount of time.  So I added a day in Chicago both ways.  I like the idea of breaking up the day and sleeping in a BED instead of on the plane.  Doing that added about $100 to the experience for me, but it is money well-spent.

So after yesterday’s ticketing euphoria, I walked into work and was greeted with an angry business manager who was flipping out over what someone had left in the staff restroom sometime over the weekend.  A small personal bottle of sexual lubricant.  Right on the sink.  OH DEAR!

If I had found it, I simply would have thrown it in the trash.  But NOOOOOOOO!  She sent out an email to the entire staff demanding that the person who left it there go in and retrieve it.  Yeah.  Like THAT would happen?  After she zipped off that email, everyone went into the restroom to LOOK at the little bottle of love juice, but nobody would touch it.  There were a lot of EWWWWWW’s and GROSSSSSSS’s.  So I grabbed some toilet paper, snatched the bottle (pun intended), and tossed it in the trash.  It wasn’t even the good stuff.  It was a generic brand from CVS pharmacy!  Travel size!  You could bag it and take it through TSA without any questions at all (hopefully).  

I decided to ask the janitor if he had seen anyone had been in the upstairs area over the weekend other than staff.  He said no.  He was puzzled by my question, so I told him why I was curious –  and he about fell through the floor!   He said nobody but staff were on the second floor.  So we have it narrowed down to two young men who work in the store.  One wouldn’t even know what that stuff is, and the other one….well…..yeah.  I can see it.  I’m glad I DIDN’T see it.  Well, I DID see it, but only the bottle.  Oh, never mind!

I guess there is a moral to this story.  If you bring a bottle of sexual lubricant to work and use it in the very secluded and private bathroom that only you and one other person have access to, make sure you don’t leave it on the edge of the sink.  Second moral of this story.  Don’t bring sexual lubricant into any restroom and leave it on the damn sink.

I guess I am glad this person chose to use his lubricant in the bathroom instead of on the sofa in the break room.  Well, since I wasn’t there, maybe he DID use it there!  Oh GOD!  Now I have another image to erase from my mind!  Erase!  Erase!

We find a lot of things in the museum.  Mostly sunglasses.  We have also found cell phones, cameras, wallets, and car keys.  This is the first time we have found sexual lubricant.   We keep all found items in a box at the front desk for four months.  If the stuff isn’t claimed, we take it to the main visitor’s center.   I have no idea what they do with it there.  Probably sell it on eBay.   Wonder if anyone would want a half-used bottle of generic sex gel?  I was looking at toasters on Amazon this morning, and people DO sell used toasters.   I most definitely would NOT buy a used toaster.

On that happy note, it’s Freak Tuesday again.  How time flies when you are in the experience business.

26 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

26 responses to “Funny Thing For Our Lost & Found?

  1. farm girl

    I am wondering why it went in the trash and not “lost and found”? What if that person came back looking for their lost item and you had to tell them you threw it away? Do you know how hard(snort) it would be to look that person in the face and have to tell them you threw it away?!! I think equality demands it should have gone into lost and found. That item may have been every bit as important to that person as a lost wallet or keys. Since you are the boss, guess you have to get it out of the trash. I really see no other alternative…..
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

  2. hissandtell

    Well, clearly it’s about time management stepped up to the plate and got this stuff out into the open once and for all, and introduced a “Wank at Work” day once a week. Purely for its alliterative qualities, might I suggest Wank Wednesday? (Or Masturbation Monday? Or Toss Tuesday? Or .. well, really, that’s all I can think of, off-hand [pun possibly intended].) x

  3. Slick operator?

    Sorry, couldn’t resist, lol.

  4. Patty O'Reilly

    When I was a teen my parents owned a motel and we lived there. I’m not sure you would want to hear some of MY stories…

  5. oops, didn’t know I had all that other gar-bage on that comment! Sorry!

  6. Oddly enough, I didn’t have to change many of the lyrics and yes, it might be too much.
    YOU CAN’T TOUCH THIS. (MC HAMMER)
    My, my, my urges hits me so hard
    Makes me say “Oh my Lord”
    Thank you for blessing me
    With a mind to move and a bottle of lube!
    It feels good, when you know you’re down
    A super dope homeboy from San Diego town
    And I’m known as such
    And this is a guy, uh, you can’t touch
    I told you homeboy (You can’t touch this)
    Yeah, that’s what I’m doing and you know (You can’t touch this)
    Look at my stuff, man (You can’t touch this)
    Yo, let me bust the bottle out (You can’t touch this)

    Fresh new moves, advance
    You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance
    So move, outta your seat
    Forget the girl and catch this beat
    While it’s building, hold on
    Pump a little bit and let ’em know it’s going on
    Like that, like that
    Hot man on a mission so fall them back
    Let ’em know, that you’re too much
    And this is a beat, uh, you can’t touch
    Yo, I told you (You can’t touch this)
    Why you standing there, man? (You can’t touch this)
    Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka (You can’t touch this)
    Give me a song, or rhythm
    Make ’em sweat, that’s what I’m giving ’em
    Now, they know
    You talking about me, the man you talking about a show
    That’s hot, and tight
    People are sweating so pass them a wipe
    Or a towel, to learn
    What’s it gonna take to reach that burn
    The charts? Legit
    Either work hard or you might as well quit
    That’s word because you know…
    You can’t touch this
    You can’t touch this
    You can’t touch this

    MC Hammer Too Legit to Quit lyrics
    MC Hammer

  7. Joanie Benson

    This IS quite an interesting development. Almost like the lubricator was interrupted mid-lubricating by a knock on the door and had to zip up in a hurry. In a rush to get out of there, he left the said lubricant on the sink. Imagine his horror when he realized he had left it behind for the next restroom occupant. He’s probably trying to come up with some sort of explanation for when he is confronted, because he knows that SOMEONE knows who left it there! Maybe that the lock on the door had become sticky(who knows why?) so he went to the store to get something to fix it and it was the only lubricant he could find at 7-11.

  8. I keep wondering where people’s sense of…propriety?…disappeared to. I can think of ten good reasons not to leave that thing there, and not one good reason to carry it around.

    I do wonder occasionally about Lost and Found though. Have you ever lost something and wondered what the finder thought? I once sent a package to my old freind Gloria, and it never arrived. I keep imagining someone opening a package thinking they’ll find something great, only to discover a box of matzo and a bottle of vitamin pills. 8)

  9. LOLOL…Trash, trash…
    G says he didn’t notice anyone going in on Saturday.

    That set of dishes is in the 20 range. We have a set of Mid Century Modern for 12, Scanda, and there’s nowhere out on the floor to put it. Thirty range.

    Put them in your bathroom. LOL

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