Fifty Shades Contestant #17! FINAL!

Captain’s Log    4,473

This is it!  The final installment of the I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey contest is here!  There is no turning back time.  No more emailed photos.  We hit seventeen and that’s where we will stay.  I want to thank everyone for participating as a “contestant.”  I also want to thank everyone for reading and commenting.  Even though there is no socially redeeming value to this, it really WAS a lot of fun.

So……drum roll for the final entry!  I present to you…..a friend from across the pond.  Sassy, funny, musically gifted, and sexy as hell……her name is Stepford Tart.  I love reading about her songwriter hub unit and her great kids who like to bake in the kitchen.  I also believe she drives a Mazda, so we are kindred spirits.  Here goes…….

Christian never considered himself a holy man, so imagine his surprise when he came home to the $40,000,000 apartment one night to find Ana in the Play Room waiting for him.  It was something he had only dreamed of.  Her innocence seemed to stop her from taking the lead in their rough sex, but now…..there she was….whip ready to snap and a smoky look in her eyes that let him know she was not taking any prisoners.  Adding to her incredible sex appeal was the sweatshirt she was wearing… a lovely shade of grey.  “You’re late, Mr. Grey…” she purred.  He nodded and looked shamefully at the floor.  “I expect a text from you every 90 seconds when we are apart, and you have failed in your duties.  You need to be……reprimanded.”  She let the word fall like grace from the sky.  His copper locks tumbled across his forehead and he nodded in agreement.  He gazed up into her stern face and realized that the porthole behind her head made her look……halo-ish!  Saintly!  “My God!  Ana!  You are….a vision of the Virgin Mother!”  Ana snorted.   “After what you’ve done to me with your zip ties and your backyard toys, I will never be a virgin again, Mr. Grey.”  But the halo was undeniable.  She had been inducted into the army of sainthood.  Harp music was faintly detected if she stopped breathing.  She flexed her whip and brought the end of it under Christian’s nose for him to smell it.  He swooned.  She smiled.  She smirked.  “Yes, Mr. Grey.  I am a saint now.  Saint Robert of Mapplethorpe.  Assume the position.”  Christian looked at the whip with dread and desire.  It was his big night.  Chocolate sex – not vanilla this time.  My inner goddess is checking to see if Mapplethorpe was famous for his flowers or….or dear…something…um….different.

OH MY GOD!  I cannot believe I wrote that!  So now it’s time to vote.  Here’s what you do.  Go to the pages listed at the top and click FIFTY SHADES OF GREY CONTEST.  All the photos are posted there.  At the end of the photos is the link to the survey.  You may vote but only once per computer.  The system is smart that way.  I also included a randomizer on the questions (hope it works) so everyone’s choices will be in a different order.  Have fun!



Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

13 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #17! FINAL!

  1. Hahaha! Super funny! This contest was a lot of fun. s x

  2. goatbarnwitch

    Ah, Mapplethorpe. A most interesting character this Mapplethorpe…. my inner goddess is off to the bookshelf to confirm the true leanings of Mapplethorpe (I doubt flowers win)

  3. WHIP IT by Devo

    Crack that whip
    Give my butt some lip
    Step on my back
    Jump in the sack
    When I’m naughty and talk back
    You must whip me.

    Before the passion gets too strong ~
    You must whip me
    When I’m doing something wrong ~
    You must whip me
    Now whip me Into shape
    Shape me up…It’s not too late~

    Go forward
    Go back
    Move ahead
    Don’t make me ask

    It’s not too late ~
    To whip me
    Whip me good
    When a good time turns out wrong ~
    You must whip me
    You will never keep me for very long ~
    Unless you whip me.
    I have to say it again
    Until you whip me.

    I say whip me
    Whip me good
    I say whip me
    The way you should.
    Crack that whip
    Make me taste that tip
    You just heard me say
    Whip me, Mr. Grey

  4. Joanie Benson

    Great photo and story. Ha ha! Who needs socially redeeming value when we have this much socially DEMEANING value??? And to think that Neil Sedaka started it all way back in the early 60’s with his song “Oh Carol”. In case you’ve forgotten the words, which he SPEAKS with dire conviction as the music plays:
    “Oh Carol
    I am but a fool
    darling I love you
    though you treat me cruel
    You hurt me
    and you make me cry
    but if you leave me
    I will surely die”
    He messed up a whole generation of people with stuff like this.

  5. Could not believe a reference to…Mapplethorpe!

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