Fifty Shades Contestant #12!

Captain’s Log   4,469

Churn churn churn as we get down to the wire!  THREE entries arrived since yesterday!   And each will get its own spin in the smut-light in the order they were received.  Such fun!  I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey has really taken off.  I only wonder what Angela must think.   Her publicists have most certainly found this by now.  Keep them coming….er….arriving!  Poolagirl (at) aol dot com.

This next entry is from one of my dearest friends in the world.  I have known her since I first arrived in San Diego in 1991.  She is great fun and is always game for silly adventures.  She is smart, witty, sensitive, and kind.  We like the same books, root beer floats, and goofy stories.  Without further ado…….  It’s Joanie, Hairdresser Exceptionale!  She said she had to wait for the right prop and now I know why.

While Christian is off earning $100,000 a minute, bored Ana raids his closet and decides to cross dress for success.  She finds his crisply-starched white shirt, his jeans that hang on him “that way,” and….the tie.  The tie!  Christian’s famous tie that not only is central to the Play Room but also graces the cover of the first book!  It’s a very important tie, and Ana knows that.  She is aware that even touching Mr. Grey’s precious tie will earn her at least 25 bottom welts when Mr. Spanky Hand gets home.  But she does it anyway.  And she waits.  By the time he returns, she has almost bitten off her lips entirely with anticipation.  She hears the door click open and turns to face him.  They look like twin images….. like Harpo Marx and Lucille Ball did in that funny old TV show.  They are both astonished!  He lunges for her with his copper locks flying in the climate-controlled breeze.  “Mrs. Grey!  You are a vision of….me!”  He is pleased.  She spins to give him a full view and smiles.  “I know fond you are of women wearing ties.  Julie Andrews, Glenn Close, Marlene Dietrich…  Shall I go on?”  He smiles and begins to loosen the knots of both ties.  He asks her with a jagged voice.  “How far are you willing to go to pretend you can take me like a man?”  She smiles and nods to the bowl of cucumbers on the table.  “I have bungee cords too…..” she purrs.  Christian swoons.  And they set to work.  Sadly, the cucumbers were never used.  Ana injured her finger trying to achieve purchase in the deepest and most impenetrable part of Christian’s “secret world.”  As evidenced by the big bandage on her finger in the photo.   My inner goddess is running off to the pharmacy to buy some Neosporin.

Oh my goodness!  That was something!  And all before I even had a cup of coffee!  Wahooo!  Don’t miss out on the fun!  Send your picture!




Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

16 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #12!

  1. “Ana injured her finger trying to achieve purchase in the deepest and most impenetrable part of Christian’s “secret world.” ”

    Yoinks! =o)

  2. Joanie may be the new reigning champion. Amazing at the quality and quantity of smut that can be generated surrounding people with their clothes ON, isn’t it???

  3. The easy song that came to mind was

    He dreams of Joanie with the beautiful hair
    Dressed in his white shirt with a tie out to there
    He ties her up with the extra cords he brought
    Then teaches her a lesson that she needed to be taught.

    but I have another song in mind…..
    ……I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE. (Disco)

    Please don’t leave me alone tonight…
    Please don’t tease me about what’s right.
    Please don’t talk about being blue
    and all the situations that we’ve been through….
    Ah, please don’t talk about all of the ways
    we had for doing this every day.

    I want to go where you watch and leer
    I want some passion… I want to hear
    Reaction ~ I got so much to do.
    I want to give it. I want to get some too.

    Oh, I … Ohhh I …
    I love the night life,
    I got to hmm mmm on the rotating bed…oh yeah
    Oh, I love the night time,
    I got to hmm mmm on the floor …..standing on my head …yeah

    Please don’t talk about sex tonight.
    Your sweet loving won’t make it right.
    Lust and neckties just bring me down
    when you’ve got 50 ways to take me to town.

    You can try them all and when you’re done,
    maybe that’ll make us have some kinky fun.
    I got to go where the people watch.
    I want some action … I want to be boss!

    I want your…

    Reaction … I got so much to learn.
    I want to give it. I want to make you squirm.

    Oh, I … Ohhh I …
    I love the right touch
    I got to hmm mmm on the table and chairs, oh yeah.
    Oh, I love the night life,
    I get to do it every where…oh yeah.

    Oh, I love the night life,
    I got to hmm mmm in the shower for a change,
    I love the nasty
    I got to hmm mmm on the electrice range….oh yeah
    I love the night life,
    I got to hmm mmmm again and again
    I love the sex talk
    I got to play pretend…
    I love the hmm hmmm………..

  4. Joanie Benson

    LOL until root beer comes out of my nose. And I didn’t even DRINK any root beer. Lauren, (my darling daughter) please don’t believe this. I really did cut my finger on a razor blade, just like I told you.

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