Fifty Shades Contestant #9!

Captain’s Log   4,466

Oh, be still my heart!  Entires just keep coming (probably a bad choice of words considering the subject matter of the contest).  All the cool kids are sending in entries for I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey contest!  Don’t be the weenie who is left out!  Sure, it’s fun to sit and read this smutty drivel every day, but wouldn’t it be even more fun if I was writing about YOUR picture?

The rules are easy.  “Interpret” the contest any way you choose.  The sky is the limit – and the deadline is September 30th.  There will be an online survey where you can vote for different categories.  So hop on!

This next entry comes from my friend, Fiona.  We go back to the Star of India days when we put 45 kids through a living history experience.  I learned a lot from Fiona and she continues to be my friend.  So…here goes!

It’s obvious.  The effect Christian has on Ana is….well…..obvious.  After an invigorating breakfast of granola, fruit, and herbal tea, they decide to take his private helicopter for a spin around Seattle and environs.  While aloft among the clouds, Christian turns to his navigator and says, “Take the controls.  I need to discuss some important matters with Mrs. Grey.  And don’t turn around in your seat to see what we are doing.  And if you smirk, I will slap you silly and make sure your house goes into foreclosure.”  Ana tosses her hair like a young horse and shows her perfect, Chicklet teeth.  He smiles and says, “I know another word that starts with FORE, and I can show you how to increase your vocabulary.”   Christian peers at her with knowing eyes, his copper locks falling down across his perfect forehead (not the word Ana was thinking of but still a cute pun).   He begs to teach her his language.  Talking about his mother tongue is just too much for her to bear!   She needs to know more!  “Oh, Mr. Grey!  Move closer so I might become one with your mother tongue!  Teach me more about fore fore fore!”  She moans with delight upon completing her new learning experience.   She screams but the sounds are drowned out by the whir of the rotors.  My inner goddess is driving over to the local airport to sign up for flying lessons.

More smut!  Thank goodness!  If you only knew how much fun I have doing this.  I laugh like a lunatic.  Keep the game going!

6 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

6 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #9!

  1. You are raising the bar for bloggers. Or lowering it. Whichever it is, it’s hilarious, lol.

  2. MORE, MORE, MORE….by Andrea Blue (Disco )

    Oooooooh,
    How do you like your smut?
    Oooooooh,
    How do you like your kink?
    Do you know how I really want your touch
    All the shades of Grey make me think….
    Get the video going….baby

    (chorus)
    FORE, FORE, FOREplay
    How do you like it, how do you want it?
    Fore, Fore, Foreplay
    How did you do it, how to improve it?
    Fore, fore, foreplay
    How do you need it, how will you plead for it?

    ****
    (DON’T TAKE MY KODACHROME AWAY ~Paul Simon)

    When I think back
    On all the things you did to me today
    It’s a wonder that
    I can talk out loud to you.
    And though my lack of sexual knowledge
    Hadn’t hurt me then ~
    I can see the fun times coming true at last..

    Christian Grey…..ay ay
    You give me those nice big trembles
    You give me the biggest envy
    Makes me wish for time to stop all day, oh yeah!
    I got a video camera
    I’d love to make a sex tape
    So Honey, please don’t stop what you’re doing right away.

    If you knew all the tricks I tried
    When I was lonely
    And put them all together in one place
    I know they’d never measure up
    to what you showed me
    And everything looks much better in see-through lace

    Christian Grey ay ay
    You give me those constant cravings
    You give me the heat of the passion
    Makes me wish for time to stop all day, oh yeah!
    I got a video camera
    I’d love to make a good sex tape
    Honey, OH, what is that you’re doing to me that way

    Honey don’t take my fun away
    Baby, don’t take my fun away
    Honey, don’t take my fun away today…..
    Honey, don’t take my fun away
    Babyy, don’t take my fun away
    Honey, don’t ever go away…..

  3. bholles

    You are having way too much fun with this.

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