Fifty Shades Contestant #6!

Captain’s Log   4,462

Whir whir whir goes the machine known as the I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey contest.  Such fun!  Such excitement!  You too can play.  All I need is a photo “interpreting” what that means to you.  Simply send it to me at poolagirl (at) aol dot com and I will write the lovely smut I know you simply cannot wait to read.  Get on it!  Contest ends September 30th.

This fine entry comes from a journalist I met during my Diaryland days.  Hailing from England, Anna Not Bob is a fine writer, painter, and curator of all things garden.  She has also found her first geocache, so I know we are kindred spirits in more ways than one.  She visited the U.S. a few years back but her journey did not take her anywhere close to San Diego.  Why do we have to be such a fookin’ big country?  I hope to meet her in 3D someday.  But for now……

Standing in front of a Georgia O’Keeffe  painting (of all things), this vixen compounds the fierce temptation for poor Christian!  The reddish/pinkish tones of this photograph are bound to make him mad with desire (besides that obvious enormous va-jay-jay hanging right behind her head)!  Hand behind her head like a young  and willful maiden, she calls to him with a look bordering on sinister.  Is it a smile or a challenge?  Will he rip off her snug hat and unleash more than just her hair (also with red tones – where’s Titian when you need him).  It’s also obvious she’s been biting her lip.  Nibble nibble nibble that drives him to fierce longing –  and starts Mr. Spanky Hand to twitching.  When asked if she had been biting, she glances his way and says, “Come see for yourself which of my lips is wet, Mr. Grey.”  Glancing at Miss O’Keeffe’s painting, he snarls and makes his move.  My inner goddess is heading off to the nearest yarn shop.  Do they have knitting lessons on Saturday?

Oh how much fun!  At least this has been fun for me.  I hope everyone who is reading is enjoying it too.  Get on the train, people!  Chugga chugga wooo woooo wooooooo!

13 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

13 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #6!

  1. John Z

    I think you have invented a whole new genre. You have a real knack for “Snarky Smut” As a dirty old man, I am enjoying your creative writing. John Z

  2. Just grinning at this piece of cyber art. I like art.

  3. Five Shades of Smut……..can you make it 50?

    (SUGARTIME by the McGuire Sisters)

    Loving in the bedroom
    Loving in the bathroom
    Cuddling at suppertime
    Be my kinky lover
    And take me all the time

    Honey in the naval
    Honey in the hmmm hmmm
    Honey on the table too
    So be my honey dipper
    And buzzz me all the time

    Put your lips upon me
    And swing from the chandelier
    You’ll be mine forever
    as you hmmm me in the ear…
    OOOH…..

    Loving in the hallway
    Loving in the ballroom
    Loving in the elevator too
    Spanky Hands needs attention
    or something will turn blue
    OOOOH !!!!

    Now kinky work is anytime
    That you’re near to me
    What you do ~ I like it too
    Don’t take it away from me

    Loving in the morning
    Napping in the evening
    Sleeping at suppertime
    Be mine, Christian Grey
    And love me all the time
    OOOOOO!

    Be my naughty lover
    Take me and love me
    Squeeze me, don’t leave me please
    Put your hands upon me
    and bring me to my knees
    WOOOO!

    Write a book about it
    There can be no doubt….it
    makes me want you more
    i’LL stay here forever
    even though I’m getting sore.
    AAAAHHHH!

    Loving on the king size
    Loving to hear your sighs
    Loving until we can’t stop
    Be my special manly stud
    and love until your eyeballs pop…
    OOOOOH!

  4. L’empress has it right. Your satire’s got a heck of a lot more literary merit than the original!

  5. You realize you are probably in the process of creating a better book than the one you satirize…

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