Fifty Shades Contestant #4!

Captain’s Log  4,460

And the entries continue to flood into contest headquarters!  Yes!  Got another one yesterday to be entered into the I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey contest!  The deadline is September 30th, so there is still time to send me your picture.  poolagirl (at) aol dot com.  Don’t be shy!  Nobody in these books is shy.  They PRETEND to be shy, but hey.  They are not shy.

This entry comes from a long-standing journal pal named Ter, the Teacher/Farmer.  No, she does not teach farming.  She lives on a small farm and she teaches writing (I think) at the college level.  She loves her hub unit, her family, her animals, and the world in general.  Very sweet lady – with a sense of nasty mischief.  See for yourself.

Smoky eyes give away the darkest secrets.  What lurks behind those dark orbs of desire will surely drive Christian mad with the heat of unspent passion.  Is that a smile or a snippy little smirk that challenges him to show her something new? As he comes closer to study the picture (of a wee dog in a teapot?), she will grab the back of his copper-colored, moppish locks and pin him to the wall with daggerish looks of wanting and shameless lust.  (first time “moppish” and “daggerish” ever used in the same sentence)  This time, instead of zip ties, she surprises him with a bang of bungee cords in various sizes.  Will she be dangled from the ceiling fan (whilst spinning on low speed) or secured onto the roof of the car with the luggage they are taking to Monaco?  My inner goddess is stopping at the local AAA office to get some free travel guides.  Because the goddess has a membership there.

See how much fun parody can be?  Do not delay!  And this contest is not just for the ladies.  99% of these books are about Christian Grey.  What does he think?  What does he feel?  How much salt did he put on his eggs?  How does he keep his linen shirts so clean?  Will he buy Ana another new car or a house?  Why won’t he let Ana kiss his man boobs?  Who maintains his riding crop collection?  So many deeply puzzling questions that NEED answers!

I think it’s quite obvious that I could leave the Confederacy and write erotica.  If these descriptions over the last few days are an indication of my skill, I am really confident that E.L. James and I could be having lunch together in a matter of months.

10 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

10 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #4!

  1. My own entries pale next to these (literally so – I took mine in the mirror with my iPhone, lol) What talent! What verve! What a rich exploit for you to cash into!

  2. susanna

    What fun this contest is. It just rolls out of you Paula!! 67 is quite something also!!

  3. Joanie Benson

    I can’t wait to find out what you and Miss James will be doing with those potato tacos. And right in the restaurant, no less! And for dessert…perhaps those BIG STICK POPSICLES? I’m going to Hell.

  4. There are no words……just can’t think of anything to say….but the photos do tell the story……along with your little descriptiive additions….
    (apologies to Lady Marmalade)

    Hey Anastasia, soul sister, go sister
    Hey Anastasia, soul sister, go sister..

    He met Ana in the elevator.
    Took a good look at her there…
    She said, “Christian, my boy. You wanna give it a go?”
    Mmm, gitchi gitchi ya ya da da
    Gitchi gitchi ya ya here
    Mocca loca chocolata baby
    Anastasia wants the job….Hey Hey Hey Heyyyyyy
    Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
    Mocca loca chocolata baby.

    He savored her neck, then she rolled to her back
    Christian drank in all he could find, find. find……
    On the black satin sheets where He started his freak
    Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da
    Gitchi gitchi ya ya here
    Mocca loca chocalata honey
    Christian’s baby, Anastasia….ya ya ya….yahhhhh
    Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?
    Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

    Kissing her skin feeling silky and smooth
    Spanky Hands moved in for the thrill
    Turning savage inside, Christian yelled
    then Ana cried…..
    “More, more, more”

    Now they’re on tour, they locked all the doors
    She’s sleeping to get her strength back.
    He’s drinking Red Bull,and he’s feeling so cool
    when from the bedroom; she calls…
    More, more, more
    Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da da
    Gitchi gitchi ya ya here
    Mocca loca chocolata ya ya
    Crazy lady, Anastasia…..ah….ah….ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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