Fifty Shades Contestant #3

Captain’s Log  4,459

Let the games continue.  I knew if I whine enough people would step up to the plate and send in photos for the I Think I Look Like Angela Lansbury With Fifty Shades of Grey contest!  YAY!  I’m not sure what the winning prize will be, but you can bet it will NOT be a copy of the book!  LOL!

The lastest contestant to enter is my dear friend Mage, the Artist.  I have known Mage for a few years now.  Our common connection is that her hub unit (Geezer) is a volunteer at the Confederacy.  Both truly sweet people who make me laugh, love vegetarian food, and who go geocaching with me!  What could be better?  Mage also sewed up my geocaching pants when I ripped them on barbed wire.  She is a barrel of fun!

Using the real books and the muted grey-scale photo, this tart put her hands right where Christian wants them.  Right above her head in fine position so he can cuff her to the bedpost in the “Play Room.”  In fact, the cover art is sending a direct signal to Christian’s power place – and believe me, it’s not his brain.  He will be mad for her in a matter of seconds, his breathing ragged, and the only thing he can say is “Stop moving or Mr. Spanky Hand will hurt you.”  His trademark white linen shirt blends in with the tempting palatte  she spreads before him (not visible in the photo).  My inner goddess is rushing off to the vintage hardware store to find the best silver polish money can buy.

How could anyone NOT want to be featured here with such stupid nasty sex talk?  Seriously, what I write here as a joke is right on par with what Miss E.L. James wrote for real.  Miss James contends she wrote these books for herself.  That, my friends, is a crock of poo.  Nobody would write something like this for themselves.  These books were written to shock and tease.  I’ll give her credit.  They do shock.

Why do they upset me?  I have a problem with “literature” that has no redeeming social value.  Anastasia is young and inexperienced.  Christian “discovers” her and takes over every aspect of her life.  The mind game is subtle at first.  Quickly, it becomes brutal.  She is completely and totally absorbed with one thing – and only one thing – her beloved Fifty.  When she isn’t having sex with him, she is worried about having sex with him.  If he talks too long on the phone she is worried that he won’t have sex with her.  Anastasia is also painted as one of the most jealous female characters I have ever read.  If the clerk at the coffee shop smiles at Christian when she takes her order, Anastasia assumes the girl wants to have sex with him.

My concern is younger readers who are also innocent getting their hands on books like this.  The relationship between Christian and Anastasia is twisted.  Yes, they are both consenting to the depravity, but I would certainly hate to think young girls might perceive something like this as okay.  Any woman allowing herself to be controlled like that is NOT a role model I would choose for any young female I know.

Anastasia’s “redemption” comes way too late in the book(s).  By the time it finally happens, you are so tired of her you want to just jump off a cliff.

Why did I read all three books?  Easy answer.  So I could earn the right to have these opinions.  I never criticize something I haven’t read.  The second reason is also quite simple.  They are so much fun to tease about.  With characters as bold and unsubtle as Anastasia and Christian, the sky’s the limit.  Since they have no personal depth, I can make them out to be whomever and whatever I want.

11 Comments

Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

11 responses to “Fifty Shades Contestant #3

  1. Are we warped, or are we warped? And loving it, lol.

    But still not as warped as the pieces o’ crap you’re lampooning here. Photo to follow. I couldn’t do my first choice so I will follow with my second.

  2. ::sigh:: Count me in. Sent pic just now.

    And Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day, matey!

  3. Ah, dear fifty Opinion……..what true garbage these books are, Sometimes I make these judgement calls even before I read the books. I figure with all the books I shelve every week, I too can make those judgements. 🙂 Nope, none have come through the store yet. So glad my hands were in the right place. LOL

  4. I haven’t read the books, but there’s nothing on the telly and I’m stuck on the photo a day project (Day 17 – In My Fridge. Really??? No one wants to see that, not even me), so be warned, there may be incoming nonsense xx

  5. And did you know it’s National Talk Like a Pirate Day ?!?!?

  6. I don’t plan to ever read these books but I agree that if I have not, I really can’t complain……..
    Love Mage’s photo….very clever indeed….. Now it’s a 3 way tie….oooh, does that sound kinky?

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