Mia’s Enormous Big-Ass Purse

Captain’s Log  4,417

Today I would like to make a comment about the iPhone’s voice enhanced search engine called Siri.

Siri, you suck!

She sounds a bit like Hal.  If you don’t know Hal, you need to do some serious cultural homework before coming back to this journal.  The very best answer she gives is to this question.

Siri, what is the meaning of life?

Answer:  Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

That’s actually kind of sweet.  It’s also funny, so everybody shows their friends what Siri can do by asking this.  But it’s basically her only good trick.

If you ask her to find the nearest Home Depot, she suggests the Amtrak station five miles away.  I just asked her to call me Poolie.  She said, “I don’t know who you are.”

Fickle, fickle Siri.  Google voice is far more accurate even though it doesn’t pontificate.

The birds were in fine form this morning.  Gotta love it.  It’s high season for all my avian friends.  An enormous red tail hawk even made an appearance Friday night.  It sat on the fence and crapped a huge plop onto my roses before taking off.

 Hawks have a way of dispersing all birds in the general area for at least an hour.  Last time a hawk cruised through the area by the feeders, one of the doves went to bird heaven.  I know it’s survival of the fittest and all of that, but I wish they would survive to their fittest somewhere else.  I like to think my little sanctuary is a safe and loving place for everyone.

I got called to the museum yesterday morning to talk to Kirby, the Bee Guy.  The city has FINALLY listened to my constant complaints about swarms of bees near the library door and on the roof.  Kirby was there and had already seen the big bee dance on the roof.  He will be there tomorrow to start removing them.  They can be removed without killing them be merely sealing off the access points.  Yes, a few will die but they do it in such a way to give the bees time to evacuate.  Apparently, bees are a hell of a lot smarter than we are.  I don’t doubt that at all.

After a nice visit with Kirby, Big Sister Mia and I went off to finish our day.  She griped and griped about the size and weight of her purse (which contains enough shit to live for an entire month on a deserted island).  When I asked her why she chooses to carry around such an enormous thing, she said she got it for free in Vegas.  As if that makes much sense.  It easily weights 12-15 pounds.  I took a snap of her standing in line at the grocery store.  That damn purse is HUGE!  One of my Facebook friends even said Mia could get a job delivering the mail!  You decide.

Big ass purse – big as a mailbag!  This purse makes her flat little ass look even flatter.

Not only is this damn thing enormous, it also hangs almost to her knees!  When she wants to get something out of it, she has to heft it onto a table so she can dig around.  Ree-donk-u-luss!  This purse is designed for an Amazon, not my wee short sister!  When I asked her how many things she actually USED out of the purse yesterday, she said……  My credit card, my license, and my house key.

Enough said.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

20 responses to “Mia’s Enormous Big-Ass Purse

  1. George

    I don’t want to be harsh or insulting, but the photo with Mia and the purse hanging from her shoulder make her look like a hobit.

  2. susanna

    Man, that thing is almost dragging on the floor. But she is less ree-donk-u-lus than I because I often carry two purses. One for the wallet, glasses, gum, cell phone, pen, to do list, etc. and one for my big ass make-up bag, brush and the current book I am reading. I resemble UPS.

  3. Yeah, my purse is bigger. Oh has to be big so I can always carry a library book wherever I go.

  4. See, I’m of the opposite mind here. The bigger the purse, the smaller my ass looks! My purse is big enough to carry Mia’s purse and your purse!

  5. Glad the bees can bee elsewhere. And that;s not a big purse. You should see my real purse. 🙂

  6. Hahaha! Big purses are not worth it. I always look for the smallest one I can find that holds all my stuff.

  7. i bet Mia could sell that “free” purse on Craigslist and get a bundle for it…or at least get a few extra books in trade. Maybe make it a “prize” for something she wants to barter for…like ice cream. What about that?

  8. joaniebenson

    You BOTH make me laugh! Now just a minute there, little sister. Don’t be so hard on big Sis….after all, she could probably carry home ALL those groceries on that conveyer belt in that one big bag! How convenient is THAT?

  9. Mia

    You make me laugh.

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