Unfocused English Major

Captain’s Log  4,408

Yup.  Time for a new look.  My old template was being “retired,” so it made sense to bail out and try something new before things got ugly.  I rather like this template because it’s fairly easy to customize.  Note the quaint pirate ship.  Ahem.

It was back to work yesterday.  Same story only a longer time to do emails and voicemails.  I finally got around to taking care of business about 3:30 or so.  Brush fire here, brush fire there…..doo dah…doo dah.

I also went out for some rolled potato tacos last night.  First Mexican food since…..June 3rd or so.  I was feeling seriously deprived.

Authentic ones are sprinkled with WHITE cheese.  Since I work with seven people of Hispanic descent, I am constantly reminded of the culinary “sin” of using yellow cheese in Mexican cooking.  You must take these things seriously.  

Heaven knows I sin enough with committing a cheese atrocity too.

I started a really funny book last night – so funny I started to wheeze.  At first, I thought it was merely a fit of lactose intolerance (what is up with that shit, anyway?), but I was wrong.  It was just some good old laughter-induced asthma that made me gasp for air while my eyes ran like faucets.

Wheeze catalyst featuring Wanda, the wise-cracking former TV ad salesperson who just can’t seem to say the right thing at the right time.  I can relate even though I never sold TV advertising.  My first real job out of college was an advertising copywriter – so it’s close enough to count, yes?

I got this book for free on Amazon Kindle.   Excellent offer!   A bargain at twice the price!  Naturally, I will now go back and BUY her other books.  Smart folks, those Amazon marketing people.

About that first job……

The agency specialized in agricultural print ads.  So there I was writing about the latest sheep castration tools and bull semen guarantees.  I cannot say I loved that job.  I didn’t even like it.  I was expected to work 8-5 Monday thru Friday and 8-12 on Saturday.  I did not get paid to work the Saturday time.  I was expected to donate those hours.  Mandatory donation.  Oxymoron?  I was also expected to do a lot more – things that don’t seem right to relate here.  I earned $1.60 an hour in exchange for my life.  I didn’t even earn enough to own a car.  I walked to work.  Needless to say, when Big Sister Mia offered me a chance to move to Minneapolis to give her a hand with her kids, I jumped at the chance.  Her generosity afforded me the opportunity to settle into a bigger city with more opportunities for an unfocused English major who didn’t seem to fit in too many places.  I still bless her for that today.

I looked for a lot of jobs when I lived with Big Sister Mia.  My favorite interview was with the Cargill Companies in their marketing department.  The interview was going well until they asked me if I minded giving tours in their experimental farm area that included some cows with surgically implanted glass walls in their stomachs.  Put there so we could watch their food digest.  I almost passed out right there.

I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if that job had actually materialized.  I would be earning MUCHO DINERO right now and probably be in line to receive an enormous golden handshake.  I would probably own a huge home in the lakes region of Minneapolis and have lots of nice clothes.   Undoubtedly, someone would come in to clean my house twice a month.  I would shop at Whole Foods.

Well, I was never offered the job.  Thank goodness.  I started singing folk songs for golf tournament banquets and ladies social clubs instead.  I had a hell of a lot of fun and I wasn’t subjected to animal abuse.  It was a much better path for an unfocused English major.


Filed under Captain Poolie's observations

18 responses to “Unfocused English Major

  1. Ter

    It’s stuff like this why I adore reading you ❤

    There's no way for me to sound "infomercia"-ish, so I'll just cut right to the chase: I nominated you for the sunshine award. Please see your blog listing at http://suburbancreampuff.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/a-bit-behind-but-worth-it/. Take it for what it is or not, I certainly won't be offended (sooo not how I roll!).

  2. I get that in theory it would be educational to see a cow’s internal digestive process. I think adding a glass liner, however, falls into the category of “should be a criminal offense”. Whatever happened to prohibiting cruelty to animals???

  3. George

    Wow, you really are my hero! You were doing sheep castration for $1.60 an hour.

  4. You couldn’t just suck it up and do it? Darn.

  5. Strangely, it is the odd experiment that get all the money and grants. Glad you didn’t take the offer to do tours of the digesting food groups in a cow’s many stomaches…. You would have to change your name to Captain Pukie…
    And we might never have known about your other many talents.

  6. I’m sitting in Quest Diagnostics waiting I get my blood drawn. Haven’t eat yet today thank god, because the image if that poor cow would have sent me right to the bathroom!!!!! Jeeeezus- I thought the Nazis were sickos!!!!

  7. This was very interesting. I think when we met I did too much talking and not enough asking of questions. It is said you don’t learn anything when you are talking, only when you are listening. I must internalize that! So far it hasn’t worked. But back to what I was meaning to talk about — your first jobs and how you ended up in California doing what you do — I may be a farmer’s daughter and a farmer’s wife but I never heard of the window in the belly cow — I do know about the butter cow at the state fair – fattening thought but not dinner-bringing-up thought. so now you are in MN – what next?

    • My landing in California is very complicated. I need to come back to Iowa to tell you all of that over dinner! A vegetarian dinner, okay? LOL!

  8. Delving into my store of useless information, I seem to remember that a doctor (don’t remember his name) cared for a badly injured man whose abdomen — and his stomach as well, I think — didn’t heal closed. The doctor was the first to document the stages of digestion, even before anyone understood the chemistry involved.

    I don’t see why anyone else would have to see it — ever. They could believe him; it was before the days of researchers fudging data in order to qualify for another grant.

    Incidentally, experts in writing English are not the ones who actually write grants. When you read those things, you know it.

  9. joaniebenson

    Are you kidding? Glass walls implanted in cows stomachs??? I think I learned in the 4th grade that cows have a huge stomach that’s divided into 4 different sections. How much more did they need to know? I wonder how the person who initiated this would say if they asked HIM if they could implant a glass window in HIS stomach so we could see how he digests his food!

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